Arceus the Critic - Season Two
by Imperator Justinian
Summary: The original Keldeo the Critic ripoff is back, and he's more sarcastic than ever. He'll be reviewing stories, good and bad, and occasionally an editorial, when he's not trying to keep Mew from destroying his home that is. Spinoff of Keldeo the Critic.
1. Ash and Misty of Team Rocket

Arceus floated down the halls of the Hall, before coming to a halt at the doorway which led to his study. He seemed to hesitate for a moment but hovered into the room. Arceus then pressed the power button and watched the screen flicker to life, and after a few minutes he had pulled up the story he was planning on reviewing. The equine-like Pokémon scanned it's contents, chuckled occasionally at what he was reading, but seemed apprehensive in general.

Mew, who was flying by while eating a chocolate bar, noticed this and decided to fly in the room.

"Hiya, Arcy! What's going on?" Arceus' eye twitched at the nickname.

"Well, I'm planning on writing more reviews, but I am afraid I have become a bit rusty." Mew seemed to perk up at that.

"Oh! I know! You can let me review with you! That way-"

"No." Mew crossed her arms and pouted.

"Aw... But why? I've done reviews before."

"Yes, but they were part of your punishment." Mew scoffed and turned her head.

"Fine. I have better things to do anyways."

"Like lounging around and gorging on chocolate?" Mew then flew out of the room.

"Cause you won't let me do much else..." she muttered. Her pinky, pointy ears then perked upwards as she had an epiphany. "But if he were to be occupied with a review..."

After having finished muttering to herself, Mew teleported out of the room in a flash of light.

* * *

><p>Arceus, having feared that his skills had become too rusty, had left his study and reentered the Grand Hall, surprised to not find Mew. As he gazed back and forth, looking for the hyperactive legendary, he failed to notice a ball of light behind him until Mew spoke up, startling the Alpha Pokemon.<p>

"Hiya, Arcy! I think I got someone who can help." Arceus turned around and his eyes nearly bulged out of his head at the sight of a robed human lying on the pristine floors, asleep and still clutching his pillow.

"M-Mew!?" Arceus then shook his head, muttering that 'he should have anticipated this'. The Pokemon then sighed heavily and looked up.

"Mew, could you please tell me who this human is, and why you brought him here?" Mew innocently grinned at his question, making Arceus grimace.

"That's Jack Storm. He's a trainer who helped Keldeo out in a review once so I figured he could help you out too." Before Arceus could respond the boy groaned.

"Who turned on the lights? Is it morning already?" he muttered.

"Perhaps you should open your eyes." Arceus commanded.

The boy's eyes opened fractionally, before abruptly opening the rest of the way; sheer astonishment written on his face.

"Good grief!" he exclaimed, rubbing his still sleepy eyes, "Not again!" Arceus' eyes narrowed at his exclamation.

"That's it? No amazement? No fear? No reverence? You are certainly a... amusing human." Arceus stated cynically, not noticing Mew flying out of the Hall to who knows where.

"Regardless, I believe I need your help."

"Hold on..." the boy said in confusion, looking at the legendary Pokémon for several seconds before exclaiming in realization, "You're Arceus! That means this is the Hall of Origins!"

"Origin." Arceus corrected inaudibly.

The boy's expression changed to one of acceptance, "Okay, so I can still be surprised. Now then, what was that about needing my help?"

"Well, like Keldeo I have taken up reviewing as a pastime. However, I required a break and I fear that my wit has become a bit rusty; so that's where you unexpectedly come in."

The boy ruffled his golden hair, "So, did Keldeo tell you about me then?" Arceus exhaled dismissively.

"I am Arceus. Whether or not Keldeo told me is inconsequential. Now, since we seem to be on the same page, I would appreciate it if you followed me." Arceus then turned and started to float away, leaving the robed boy to give chase. Arceus then turned a corner and entered his study, followed closely by Jack.

"So..." Jack started, easily keeping up with the floating Alpha Pokémon as the two entered his study, "I'm just going to take a wild guess here; does this involve reviewing a fanfic with you?"

"You are certainly acute. I believe I have chosen a rather interesting one. So, take a seat," as Arceus said that a chair appeared behind Jack, who was too shocked by the furniture suddenly appearing to say anything. "And let the review begin."

**Arceus the Critic**

**"Ash and Misty of Team Rocket" by BigD1987**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ash and Misty of Team Rocket<strong>_

_By: BigD1987_

_Flash fiction one-shot: Team Magma's newest weapon is ready to be shipped out. That changes when Team Rocket's new strike team interrupts. A "What-if" look at what could happen if Ash and Misty joined a now-good Team Rocket._

* * *

><p>Yes folks, your eyes are not deceiving you. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure what to make of this story. The premise is probably one of the most original I've seen; Ash and Misty becoming members of a good Team Rocket oddly enough run by three of the most crooked and incompetent people in the anime. Hint, hint.<p>

So how is it executed? Well, why don't we take a gander?

So we start off the story with Team Magma loading the evaporating machine from Batman Begins into a transport... so they can smuggle it into Kanto?

_(Arceus blinked a few times in confusion.)_

Why would they smuggle it into Kanto? Team Magma has no bases there and Team Rocket is supposed to be good in this story. Regardless, the grunts don't move fast enough to satisfy Richie, and he starts fretting over the success of the operation.

* * *

><p><em>But Boss Richie scowled while his grunts seemed to go slower. What part of 'hurry up' don't they understand!? For all they knew, the cops could be hear at any minute! Or worse, Team Aqua. Or worse, someone else.<em>

* * *

><p>This author has the dramatic subtly of Keldeo when it comes to foreshadowing, and none of the comedic effect.<p>

* * *

><p><em><em>Looking up at the ceiling of the long-extinct volcano they were in, he issued a silent challenge to anyone who tried to stop them. <em>___Without warning, the ceiling exploded. Grunts ran from the falling debris, which damaged a few pieces of equipment, but not the weapon. That was a relief! But Richie was furious. "What's going on!?" he shouted.  
><em>_

__"Prepare for trouble!" A female voice shouted,  
><em>_

__"And make it double!" A male voice replied.__

* * *

><p>"Well, that was abrupt." Jack commented.<p>

"This is only the beginning. It gets even more over the top after this." Arceus replied.

* * *

><p><em>A platform lowered down from the hole in the ceiling. Two figures and a shorter one stood on the platform. He could not tell who they were, because they were obscured by dry ice smoke.<em>

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus rolled his eyes.)<em>

A mystery now, is it? Oh, I bet we'll never guess who it is... especially since you _never _gave us any hints with the title.

* * *

><p><em><em>"To protect the world from devastation!" the female voice declared.<br>__

__"To unite all peoples within our nation!"  
><em>_

__"To denounce the evils of hate and lies!"  
><em>_

__"To extend our reach to beyond the skies!"__

* * *

><p><em><em>(Monty Python Army: Get on with it!)<em>_

* * *

><p><em><em>The dry ice smoke dissipated to reveal the two figures. They were teenagers, one with fiery red hair and green eyes, and the other with black, spiky hair that was covered by a red ballcap. And both wore white Team Rocket uniforms. Richie growled, recognizing the two instantly. They posed, holding hands and smiling like giddy two-year-olds.<em>_

__"Misty!"  
><em>_

__"Ash!"__

* * *

><p><em><em>(Ben Stein: Bueller... Bueller... Bueller...)<em>_

* * *

><p><em><em>"Team Rocket, defending all that is good and right!"<br>__

__"Surrender now, or you'll surely lose the fight!"  
><em>_

__"Piii-KA-CHU!"__

* * *

><p>"It looks like our heroes have <em>finally<em> arrived, and sure enough, it's Team Rocket lead by Ash Ketchum and... Hold on; I know Ash, but I've never met anyone named Misty."

"Let's just say the series is better off without her." Arceus quickly shut his eyes, as if anticipating someone to hit him with a mallet.

"Well, I for one am certainly not going to argue with you; let's plunge ahead." Arceus nodded.

"A wise choice on both."

* * *

><p><em><em>Ash Ketchum and Misty Waterflower, once sworn enemies of Team Rocket, were enthusiastic members of the new-and-improved "good guy" Team Rocket. "What's Team Rocket doing here!?" Richie called out.<br>__

__"What do you think?" Misty shot back with a matter-of-factly tone on her voice, "Putting an end to this!"  
><em>_

__"Cops couldn't come, so Team Rocket's here to do the job!" Ash said.__

* * *

><p>When <em>are<em> the police ever present in Pokémon?

* * *

><p><em><em>"Damn those Jessie and James," Richie growled, "Why did they have to kick Giovanni out and turn into goody-twoshoes? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, IDIOTS!? GET THEM!"<em>_

* * *

><p>"So, let me get this straight; Jessie and James kick their boss out of office, take over all of Team Rocket, and turn it into a crime-fighting agency? Farfetch'd anyone?" Jack said, putting his hand to his chin.<p>

"Oh nevermind that, because we have Ash ordering Snorlax to crush the conveyor belt... rather than fight Team Magma?"

_(Masamune: Imbecile!)_

Jack was confused by the audio clip for a moment but pushed it aside. "I guess he figured that if the grunts got the laser to the plane, they might make a break for it. Besides, it doesn't look like he needed Snorlax's help anyway; it seems Team Magma are even bigger pushovers than Team Rocket!"

* * *

><p><em><em>A Magma grunt ran up behind him, waving a metal pipe around. Ash heard him coming and kicked him right in the stomach.<em>_

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus blinked a few times in disbelief.)<em>

What!? Has Ash been taking Rex Kwon Do? When has Ash ever physically fought someone!? For that matter; when has Team Rocket ever physically assaulted someone?

* * *

><p><em>He elbowed the Magma grunt in the face to finish him off, for good measure.<em>

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus rolled his eyes.)<em>

Because you can never be unconscious enough.

* * *

><p><em><em>"Perfect!" Misty replied, giving the thumbs-up. She grabbed another PokeBall from her belt. "Corsola, go!"<br>__

__"____Corsola!" the Water/Rock type cried as it emerged.  
><em>_

__"Corsola, use Ancient Power on that transport plane!" she said.  
><em>_

__"Corsola!" Corsola unleashed its attack on the plane. The rocks did heavy damage to the transport's engines, wings and landing gear. It caused so much damage the transport was beyond repair.__

* * *

><p>The Pokémon are doing more damage to heavy machinery in this story than they do to each other on a regular basis in the Anime.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Richie roared in anger. "DAMN YOU, TEAM ROCKET!" he screamed, running straight for Ash.<em>

* * *

><p><em>(Kyurem: Pointless swearing! Hooray!)<em>

* * *

><p><em>Misty heard him and ran to intercept him. He was almost on top of Ash when Misty punched him right in the gut—HARD.<em>

_"Don't touch my sweetie!" she shouted._

_"Darn right, my fighting moves are sweet!" Ash replied. Misty sighed in relief, thanking his denseness._

* * *

><p>"I must say, Ash seems to be enjoying knocking people out a little too much; I wouldn't go so far as to say it's OOC, but it still doesn't seem quite right." Jack commented.<p>

"You're reading into it a bit to much. After all; who needs character when we having a pairing to force down your throat?"

"Hear hear; but for the record, I just want to point out that they're both ten years old. Although, I always thought that Ash did in fact go back to Kanto when he grew up, and married Misty. Of course, that won't be happening any time soon- Wait, what was that line?"

* * *

><p><em>"Darn right, my fighting moves are sweet!" Ash replied. Misty sighed in relief, thanking his denseness.<em>

* * *

><p>Jack winced. "Okay, I just have to come out and say it; the fourth gen is my personal favorite out of all the generations. And one of the main reasons, is that Ash matures by at least five years." Arceus nodded.<p>

"Agreed. But then we get a blast from the past with Unova, regarding Ash at least."

* * *

><p><em>"FOCUS!" she screamed, ducking as Pelipper zoomed over her.<em>

* * *

><p>Well that came out of left field. It probably would have made more sense to just say this:<p>

_(Frank Costanza: SERENITY NOW!)_

* * *

><p><em><em>"You Rocket idiots have been on the decline since you kicked Giovanni out," Richie spat.<em>_

* * *

><p>How are they on the decline? They just single handedly knocked out most of your team!<p>

* * *

><p><em>In the chaos, Pikachu and Pelipper had zapped the Magma grunts into submission. Pelipper landed close by and Pikachu hopped onto his head. "Pi-KA!" he said, giving Ash a "V" for "Victory" sign.<em>

* * *

><p>Jack raised his eyebrow in curiosity. "I thought that was Victini's thing."<p>

_(Arceus shook his head.)_

"Given how overpowered everyone is in this story, I wouldn't be surprised if that was Victini in a Pikachu costume. Regardless Richie surrenders and Ash and Misty contact their bosses."

* * *

><p><em>Ash and Misty stood at attention, saluted and put their arms down. "The Team Magma base is out of commission, Boss Jessie!" Ash said enthusiastically.<em>

_"Great work, Twerps!" Boss Jessie replied. Ash and Misty laughed sheepishly._

_"I'm so proud of them!" James said, wiping his tears away, "Who knew turning goody-two-shoes would make them join?"_

_"Um, is there anything else you want us to do, Boss?" Misty asked. "Doesn't he remember we've been members for while now?"_

_"No, just return to b ase," Jessie replied, "And take the rest of the week off, you've earned it."_

_"Thank you, MA'AM!" Ash replied with a salute, followed by Misty._

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus rolled his eyes.)<em>

"Yes folks; The three stooges of Team Rocket, the ones who constantly bungle every attempt to steal a Pokémon and fantasize about giving it to their boss, were somehow competent enough to overthrow him and take over Team Rocket. And not only that, but by getting rid of Giovanni apparently everyone else in the team magically turned good as well." The robed boy nodded.

"I would bring up the fact that they stole Ash's maturity in Unova, but this is obviously based back in Hoenn. As it is, that story sounds about as legitimate as Pokemon tears bringing people back from the dead. In fact, I'm pretty sure that clinches it; this whole scenario is fun and all, but if the author wants to pull it off, he needs a rock solid basis. Jessie James and Meowth deposing Giovanni, and taking over all of Team Rocket single-handedly, is about as far-fetched as you can get."

"Well, all they need to do now is throw in some more Pokeshipping via Jessie and James and it will be the ultimate insult. But I'm sure that not even this author would be foolish en-"

* * *

><p><em>"And take your time, I know you two LOVEBIRDS want all the privacy in the world!" Jessie, James and Meowth laughed their heads off while Ash and Misty blushed a deep red.<em>

_"WE'RE NOT LOVEBIRDS!" they both screamed. But the hologram had vanished, making their pleas all for naught. Thanks to that comment from Jessie, the rest of flight back to base was filled with awkward silence._

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus lowered his head in a strange mixture of anger and disappointment.)<em>

Jack facepalmed. "Thank goodness this is only a one-shot; like I said before, it's a fun idea to toy around with, but the author definitely needs to revise it a little."

"Apparently he did just that, and this story is only a "preview", for lack of a better term, for a larger story based around this outlandish plot. Whether or not it is better remains to be seen, but I doubt I will be taking a gander any time soon after reading this." Jack then looked up to Arceus, who despite sitting down, towered over him.

"No kidding. Anyway, that's the end of the fanfic; so, what's your judgment on it?"

"What is my Judgement on it?" Arceus mused. "It's unbelievably cheesy, has action scenes more over the top than anything the Kalos Anime can serve up, and is fun to laugh at. Besides that, I would not necessarily say this is an awful story, just too overdone. The premise is intriguing, and were the story handled better I'm certain it would be entertaining. Do you have anything to add, human?" Jack shook his head.

"That pretty well sums it all up; overall, it's not a bad story. But it'll take some tinkering before it becomes a good story."

* * *

><p>Arceus then turned to face Jack, a rather morose expression on his face. "So with that resolved, I ought to thank you, human. However, Mew brought you to this place without my permission and I'm afraid I can't return you without erasing your memory." Jack reeled back at the Alpha Pokémon's declaration.<p>

"Is that really necessary? I mean, I've already met Keldeo; not to mention Dialga from another reality. And for the record, I consider myself more Pokémon than human."

Arceus narrowed his eyes ever so slightly. "This is one of the most sacred places on this planet. Whether or not you are human or Pokémon matters little; only those I have permitted may tread here. Now, close your eyes."

Jack sighed, but acquiesced. Fighting against a Pokémon that had the strength of a deity was not on his bucket list. "Fine; I guess Keldeo's show was a novel enough experience for one lifetime anyway."

After the boy closed his eyes, Arceus hovered a large vase over his head telepathically, before thrusting it down and shattering it on his head. Jack fell down and hit the floor, clearly unconscious.

"That ought to cause some memory loss. And a rather nasty bruise." Mew, who had just returned from who knows where, sped into the room when she heard glass shatter. When she saw Arceus hovering over the boy, who was sprawled out on the floor with glass shards around him, she jumped to the worst possible conclusion.

"Ar-Arceus... Did you-"

"No Mew, he is merely unconscious." Though that eased the pink Pokémon's concerns a bit, she was still mortified and curious at what occurred.

"Then why did you-"

"I have many talents, Mew. Erasing someone's memory is not one of them. Now, please take this poor human back to his camp." Mew nodded, but before she could teleport away Arceus interjected.

"And the next time you bring a mortal here without my permission; I _will_ have your head." Mew gulped and then vanished with the boy in a flash of light.

* * *

><p><span><strong>The End<strong>

_**Credits:**_

_Gods And Mortals by ARCEUS-master_

_Keldeo the Critic- Season Three_

_Batman Begins_

_Keldeo the Critic- Season Two_

_Monty Python and the Holy Grail_

_Ferris Bueller's Day Off_

_Pokémon Conquest_

_Napoleon Dynamite_

_Kyurem the Critic_

_Seinfeld: The Serenity Now_

_Nostalgia Critic: Food Fight_

**_Special Thanks:_**

_Jack Storm 448_

* * *

><p><strong>Note from the Author:<strong>

Yep, Arceus is back. I wanted to do something special for my two year anniversary of being on Fanfiction, so I figured he would make an early comeback. To keep up the celebrations, I'll be posting a new chapter every day, for the next six days as well.


	2. Editorial 1

Greetings. While I know it is a bit early to do an editorial, I wanted to get this one out; what is the greatest generation of Pokémon? Some people may say the first, others may say the sixth. Those who are not looking through rose-tinted glasses will usually reply the third, fourth or fifth. I am privy to the second, and not just because I finally showed myself in it. So why was Generation IV so good?

**Arceus the Critic**

**Why Generation IV was the Best**

* * *

><p>Before I begin, please note I've only numbered these for the sake of organization, and they have no reflection on their importance.<p>

**Number 1: Good Movies**

This is actually one of the more overlooked aspects of Gen IV. Now, most people who are fans of Pokémon recognize that it can make a good anime and great games, but know that most of its movies usually fall flat. Granted, there are a handful of exceptions; _Lucario and the Mystery of Mew, Pokémon 4Ever _and_ Kyurem vs. The Sword of Justice _(the uncut version, at least). But, curiously enough, the one Generation where Pokémon was able to make consistently good movies was Generation IV.

Why?

Well, most of the time I like to think of Pokémon Movies as unusually long filler episodes of the Anime. Sometimes they advance character, are entertaining, and have solid plots, but most of the time they have no development, are always seemingly isolated from the events of the anime, and are just a medium to introduce Legendary Pokémon and show off their powers.

The exception to this was the Creation Trilogy; _The Rise of Darkrai, Giratina and the Sky Warrior _and _Arceus and the Jewel of Life. _One of the reasons I like to think this trilogy was so good is because of it's plot; something rarely used in a Pokémon Movie. But not only did they use sound plots in each individual movie, Pokémon went all in with this trilogy.

Not only did each movie build off the previous, the final movie actually explained the events for the previous two and concluded everything. To emphasize this, they gave Darkrai, Alamos Town and it's residents, Shaymin, Zero and Newton all cameos in the credits.

_Zoroark: Master of Illusions _wasn't bad either; it had a villain on par with Cyrus, Ghestis and Nobunaga who managed to steal the show, but it felt like _Destiny Deoxys _with more greenery and a rather pointless appearance by Entei, Raikou and Suicune. Regardless, Generation IV managed to churn out four good movies, before Pokémon sadly relapsed into their old method of movie making.

**Number 2: Best Anime**

While we're on the topic of Pokémon on the television, let's take a look at the Sinnoh Anime. The Sinnoh Anime built off of the Battle Frontier Anime's policy of making Ash an intelligent, strategically sound trainer who proved to be far more of a challenge than in previous seasons or following.

While one could assert that Ash was more powerful in Battle Frontier, we have to keep in mind that the Battle Frontier Facilities allowed multiple challenges and Ash didn't always win on his first attempt. On the other hand, the Pokémon League is single elimination and that Ash managed to get into the top four (the furthest he's gotten in a League so far), not to mention having defeated two Legendary Pokémon in one battle to boot.

Now, an intelligent and powerful (and even a slightly less dense) Ash is always good, but that is not the sole reason I would say the Sinnoh Anime was the best. First the battles were paced and executed perfectly. In the Kalos Anime, a battle between a Froakie and a Fletching was portrayed as being an important and memorable battle through over the top effects, when in reality it was just a battle between two basic Pokémon that haven't had much training.

While Kalos continues to overrate its battles with flashy animation (though for some reason Pikachu and Lucario's battle was utterly one-sided, which makes little sense considering this is the same Pikachu who has defeated legends), Sinnoh understood perfectly when and how to show off its battles.

Finally, the anime was able to present much better character than its successors. Now, I'm not saying that the Unova and Kalos animes (or Kanto for that matter) were unable to provide character and development, far from it, but we got quite a bit more of it in Sinnoh. With the addition of supporting characters such as Nando, Zoey, Kenny, Lyra, Barry and even Paul, who were defined by personalities rather than quirks, they made a much more lasting impression on us.

_(Stephan: It's Stephan!)_

Of course it is generic rival. I'm sure everyone remembers you for your incredible backstory and character development rather than your running gag.

**Number 3: Exceptional Music**

Cynthia's Piano Theme. Do I need to say anything else?

Since this is an editorial, yes. Pokémon's soundtracks are usually good, and there are many that manage to stand out, but when it comes to exceptional and memorable composition the Hoenn and Sinnoh games take the cake.

It was actually rather difficult to decide which region was the best; both regions had music with classical undertones that acted as complements to their settings and legendaries. Hoenn's was more energetic and proud, reflecting the Legendaries of the region and their control over nature, the villainous team's petty squabble driven on by their hubris, as well as their appreciation for beauty demonstrated through contests.

Sinnoh's music on the other hand was far more subtle, graceful and melodramatic. It reflected the ancient identity of the region, and complemented the immaterial feel of its legendaries that represented immaterial realms. Likewise it was capable, through its more melodramatic and dramatic pieces, in radiating the importance of a situation, or a reverence of an event. Ultimately I settled on Sinnoh due to its soul stirring capabilities, as well as the massive amount of talent and effort that it took to compose and play Cynthia's pre-battle theme.

**Number 4: No Braille**

I'm not sure how many people remember this incredibly irritating aspect of the Gen III games, which was, dare I say it; almost as annoying as the game of Marco Polo you had to play with the Latis, Cresselia, Mersprit, the Kami Trio and the Legendary Birds.

* * *

><p><em>Trainer: Marco!<em>

_Legendary: Polo! But don't look at the Pokedex or fly near me or I'll magically appear on the other side of the region!_

* * *

><p>You see, brail was used in instructions on how to get the Regis and open the door to the Dotted Hole. Now, personally I think it was a clever touch that added an air of mystery as well as a bit of a challenge, but there was one big problem: <em>the target audience were kids!<em>

How are they going to read brail, let alone recognize it? Granted the strategy guides provided brail translations, but it was still an annoying and confounding obstacle to getting the Regis or trading with Hoenn.

Thankfully Sinnoh had no braille in Snowpoint Temple, but you still had to use the Regis to wake up Regigigas.

**Number 5: Best Villainous Team**

Yes, Sinnoh has the dubious honor of creating the most villainous team in Pokémon history, both in the games and anime wise. It's clear that Team Rocket and the Hoenn Teams measure up poorly against them, and that Team Flare is nothing more than a watered down and clueless copy of Galatic with even more ridiculous outfits. This leaves Plasma as the only contender, but their goal was not as nefarious as Galatic's.

After all, Plasma's upfront goal was to "liberate" Pokémon from trainers, while Ghestis' private goal was to rule Unova by ensuring that no one would be able to resist Plasma. While it was rather cunning to try to take over the region in such a fashion, that wasn't the plan of the entire Team. As demonstrated in the post-game and sequel, there were some grunts and even sages who, like N, were fooled by Ghestis and simply cared for Pokémon and wanted to save them from cruelty.

Galatic on the other hand knew full well what they were doing; the entire Team was plotting to destroy the world and create a paradise in their image. Now, granted that Cyrus was just using the grunts and admins to help him create his own world free of emotion that he could rule as a God-King, he still didn't deceive them in the manner that Ghestis did. The rest of the Team knew completely what they were doing, they just were ignorant that Cyrus planned on excluding them when all was finished.

And even when Cyrus had disappeared in the games, Team Galatic still tried to hold the Battle Zone for ransom. It wasn't until Charon was defeated and Saturn assumed undisputed control that Team Galatic started to turn around like the Plasma remnants.

Finally, the Anime Galatic was the most successful out of all the villainous teams. They were methodical, coordinated, and even when they were rarely foiled by Ash and Co. they still managed to achieve their goals. Even when Galatic was defeated in the end, Cyrus still achieved his goal of creating a new world and leaped into it before he could be arrested.

They were so prolific (to the point of controlling _five_ different Legendaries throughout the course of the anime), part of me actually wanted Pokemon to conclude the rest of the DP Anime quickly and do a second Battle Frontier with Galactic reprising their role in the game.

Overall, Galatic was the most villainous organization Pokémon has produced, and the closest Pokémon came to recreating a team of their proportions was Plasma (though one could argue that Cipher comes close as well, their goals were merely profit, not to mention they had Mirror B. and Lovrina.).

**Number 6: Best Side Game**

Before I start; Yes, I know that Pokémon Conquest was Generation V. And while I think it is an incredible game, and the most strategy oriented Pokémon game ever made, I don't think it's the _best _side game that Pokémon has made. Why?

Well, most of the criticism that Conquest has received has either been; "It isn't my kind of game" or "It can get tedious". The former is a matter of taste, while the latter is a sign that it has a good replay value (besides, what Pokémon game doesn't get tedious after a while?). So let me give it some criticism; there isn't enough dialogue, story and development.

Sure, we get quite a lot of it at the beginning and ending of each character's story, but there is very little in between. If Pokémon had added in some more dialogue, perhaps in the form of events like the traveling merchants, Four Guardians and bandits events, it _would_ be the best side game. But because they left out one of the most important aspects of development, that leaves Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky as the best side game.

These genre of side games have done a consistently good job of churning out some of (if not) the best stories and characters in the Pokémon series, as well as having a beautiful soundtrack and beautiful artwork to go with them, and Explorers of Sky was the pinnacle of that.

The story it had was enamoring to the point where even Keldeo agreed that its successor, which I was much less enthusiastic about than he was, couldn't hold a candle to it. Combine that with plot twists on par with the one in _Knights of the Old Republic _and you get one of the greatest and most underappreciated stories in video game history.

With the addition of having special episodes that allow you to play as other main characters and get more of their backstories and personalities, as well as the capabilities to listen to the beautiful soundtrack again via the Sky Jukebox (both firsts in Pokémon history), Explorers of Sky had everything and even then some that fans could have wanted (save a special episode detailing Darkrai and Cresselia's past).

Nothing is lost on the Post Game either, but since the story in the Post Game was a continuation (and arguably a conclusion) of the events of the main story, I would go so far to say the story doesn't officially end until you beat Darkrai.

**Number 6 1/2: Most Malevolent Villain**

Speaking of Darkrai, I might as well as go into a bit more detail on him. If Galatic was the most villainous organization in Pokémon history, then Darkrai was the most villainous individual in Pokémon history. He was the cause of almost every single major event in the game, either through his direct interference or the effects of his interference, and was cunning enough to get away with it unnoticed until halfway through the Post Game.

He was responsible for sabotaging Temporal Tower, thus causing the planet to become paralyzed and Dialga to go mad (thus destroying the flow of time and creating the bleak future), attacking the player and Grovyle in the Time-Space vortex causing the main character to morph into a Pokémon, and then masquerading as Cresselia and attempting to kill the player twice via dreams (though it is heavily implied that he was trying to convince the player to commit suicide the first time).

When Darkrai failed he manipulated Palkia into trying to kill the Player and their partner under the guise that they were destroying the fabric of space (when in fact he was), and finally set up a trap for the Player, their partner and the real Cresselia in hopes of destroying them and creating a world of nightmares that he could rule. It was even implied that he was influencing Primal Dialga in the future. Ultimately he got punished in one of the most poetically just ways possible by having his memory destroyed when Palkia destroyed the Time-Space Vortex he was escaping into.

He was the greatest and most malevolent villain Pokémon ever produced, one of the few to succeed in his goals, and besides me, the only one to be thwarted by the future altering the past, making Darkrai one of the most memorable villains in Pokémon history.

**Number 7: Best Main Game**

And now for the game that truly made Generation IV the best; Platinum. So what made Platinum so good that I believe it is the Best Main Game? Well, let's start out with the features that were introduced into Diamond/Pearl and refined in Platinum:

1) Day/Night difference

If any of you started playing in Pokémon in Hoenn, you might remember having to set the time on the clock in your room before going downstairs. At that time in Pokémon, time played a rather unimportant role; being there only to affect the evolution of Pokémon and the effectiveness of a few moves. In Sinnoh, time was much more important. The time of day was shown in both the overworld and in battle, and that affected the Pokémon you could find. Likewise their were only certain events you could do at a certain time of day, adding in a bit more realism.

2) Each Move having its own category

A lot of people don't realize that before Generation IV all the moves of one type would be a predetermined type. Types like Water, Fire, Grass, Psychic, Dragon, etc. would all have their power determined by Special Attack whereas Types like Normal, Fighting, Rock, Steel, Ground, etc. would be determined by Attack. In Generation IV that system was done away with and we got the new one we all know and love; each attack had their own type and damage category. So now Hyper Beam would be affected by Special Attack instead of Attack.

3) Gender Differences

This was one of the minor features that made you appreciate all the hard work they put into these games a little more.

4) Migrating Pokémon

The ability to transfer your old Pokémon from Hoenn and Kanto into Sinnoh was introduced as well. In my opinion the Pal Park was also the best transfer mechanic as well; you only needed one console instead of two, no internet connection and it cost nothing.

_(Arceus then made a coughing sound that sounded suspiciously like Pokémon Bank.)_

5) Revolutionary Graphics

The Graphics in Gen IV were also revolutionary. Before it, the sprites were just 2-Dimensional with very little detail in the overworld. Sometimes it was difficult to tell the difference between the arms and torso or which leg was moving since they were so small. In Sinnoh and the Johto remakes we got updated graphics that allowed you to appreciate the details far more than you could have in Generation III. Even that incredibly off-putting painting in the Old Chateau.

6) Revolutionary Multiplayer

In Gen IV we also got wireless capabilities, allowing for a far easier time trading, battling and using secret bases than before.

7) Last Contests (at least until OR & AS come out)

I'm sure we all know that Sinnoh had the last contests. Contests were a very nice break from constant battling, as well as providing a medium to use berries you would normally not use, but were also far more than a mini-game. In addition to receiving ribbons, winning all the contests would put you one step closer to becoming the ultimate trainer by giving you another rank on your Trainer Card. Unova brought us Pokémon Musicals, but they were completely pointless, utterly boring and a slap in the face to all the people who enjoyed their predecessor.

8) Last Safari

Gen IV also had the last Safari. Why they removed it afterwards I have no idea, but the Safari in Heart Gold and Soul Silver was the best to date.

Now, it's no secret that Platinum added a lot more to Sinnoh, but let's take a look at the most important of them.

1) New Evolutions D/P left out

I'm not exactly sure why Diamond and Pearl left out Pokémon like Gallade, Dusknoir, Electivire, Magmortar and other Pokémon (as well as their previous forms) that got new evolutions in Gen IV. Since they weren't in the Sinnoh Pokedex, but were introduced in Gen IV, that left one wondering what region these Pokémon belonged to, and how Game Freak could make such a glaring omission.

Fortunately Platinum added them and their evolutionary lines in the game, for a total of 59 more Pokémon, many of them fan-favorites.

2) Last Battle Frontier

Platinum brought back the Battle Frontier, though it did reduce it to five facilities, I still think they were able to add in much more flavor to them than before. Unfortunately, like Contests, Unova never brought back the Battle Frontier and instead replaced it with a less than satisfying (or challenging for that matter) Battle Institute and Battle Subway. Granted the Pokémon World Tour managed to somewhat compensate, it still could never replace one of the hardest and most memorable places in Pokémon history.

3) Battleground

Ah, the Battleground. I'm sure anyone who's finished Platinum remembers this little club in the survival zone where you can re-battle the Gym Leaders and the Stat Trainers, all of whom have five powerful Pokémon in their sixties. Out of all the methods of re-challenging the Gym Leaders, this was my favorite. You did not have to wait for a certain time of day, or for a call on the PokeNav, nor have to spend a massive amount of Poke to get a challenge, and you did earn experience and Poke while simultaneously facing a strong opponent.

It was the best method of battling the Gym Leaders and facing the Stat Trainers again, and I was disappointed when Pokémon had completely done away with the ability to fight Gym Leaders Post Game in Unova.

4) Difficulty

I would dare say that Platinum was the last truly challenging Pokémon Main Game. While Black and White 2 gave you the option to increase the difficulty, the key to do so came to late to make much of a difference. Sinnoh on the other hand consistently challenged you, and the fact that Dragon Types hadn't become too overpowered yet (due to the fact that Sinnoh brought back old Pokémon, particularly much needed Ice-Types that Unova lacked) and the Fairy Type wasn't even conceived yet, a nice balance of power was maintained that forced any player to stay on their toes.

For some reason not many people complained that Cyrus' Honchkrow knew Heat Wave, a move it could not legally learn, as opposed to how many people complained about Ghestis' Hydreigon. Why?

Well, not only was Sinnoh perfectly paced in terms of challenges, it was also good at making sure your Pokémon would usually be on par with your opponents. It wasn't like Unova where they would offer little challenge throughout the game and then suddenly jump to a near undefeatable opponent at the end. So even though Cyrus' Honchkrow had an illegal move that would be able to throw a monkey wrench into any trainer's plans, it was a welcome challenge since it could be overcome.

Likewise, the Sinnoh Elite Four was also the most challenging, partly because it went in sequence rather than letting you fight all four in the order you want, meaning that it gets harder as it goes. Then there's Cynthia, who speaks for herself in terms of power. In fact, if I recall correctly, Cynthia is the strongest Champion, matched in power only with Steven in Emerald and exceed only by Red.

Once you finish the game, the Post Game Sinnoh League all jump up by sixteen levels, meaning that not only is it the strongest league, but that Lucian's Gallade is actually equal to Post Game Lance's Dragonite. That ought to give you a visual as to how challenging these five were.

Finally all the Gym Leaders and Elite Four had one more Pokémon than their later equivalents did, had fluctuating levels (i.e: not all the Pokémon being one set level and the signature being two levels higher), adding in not only more of a challenge, but more realism as well.

* * *

><p>Overall, these are the reasons why I believe that Generation IV is the best. Now granted, this is only my opinion, and there are very valid arguments for why Generation III or V would be the best, but I hope I have made a strong case for what was, undeniably, part of Pokémon's Golden Years.<p>

Anyhow, with that incredibly long editorial over I should get back to reviewing.

* * *

><p><span><strong>The End<strong>

_**Credits:**_

_Lucario and the Mystery of Mew_

_Pokémon 4Ever_

_Kyurem vs. The Sword of Justice_

_The Rise of Darkrai_

_Giratina and the Sky Warrior_

_Arceus and the Jewel of Life_

_Zoroark: Master of Illusion_

_Destiny Deoxys_

_Pokémon Diamond/Pearl/Platinum_

_Pokémon Black/White/2_

_Pokémon Conquest_

_Pokémon Diamond & Pearl _

_Pokémon Advanced Generation_

__Pokémon XY__

_P__okémon Best Wishes_

_Pokémon Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald_

_Pokémon FireRed/LeafGreen_

_Pokémon Colosseum/XD_

_Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky_

_Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Gates to Infinity_

_Keldeo the Critic- Season Two_

_Knights of the Old Republic_

_Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver_

_**Special Thanks:**_

_Mr. Grool_

_J__ack Storm 448_

_Hoenn Master96_

* * *

><p><strong>Note from the Author:<strong>

In regards to the fact that someone could come back and say I forgot about Iris since her Haxorous is level 78 as well, and thus Cynthia is not the strongest Champion, I technically couldn't count Iris since Pokémon Black & White 2 let you alter you opponent's levels. Iris' levels weren't set in stone I couldn't really make any determination in regards to her strength level wise, though I think it's clear that she would still get crushed by Cynthia or Steven.


	3. Unown Friendship

Greetings. Today I will be reviewing a friendship story involving one of the most kind-hearted and likeable characters in the games... Silver.

_(Arceus rolled his eyes.)_

At least if you are a rabid fangirl.

Regardless, I believe I have found a story that is something of a foil to a story Genesect once reviewed called _Golbat is Evolving_. If that story dealt with Silver's developing friendship with his Pokémon, then this one deals with his developing friendship with other humans.

**Arceus the Critic**

**"Unown Friendship" by SpiritofSilverWater**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Unown Friendship<strong>_

_By: SpiritofSilverWater_

____Silver begins to question whether his friendship with Ethan and Lyra is a good thing or not. Ethan realizes this and takes Silver to some ruins, where he finds a clue to that question in a very strange manner. (Gameverse. Warning, Silver swears)____

* * *

><p>And no, Unown is not a typo. As for the swearing, well, frankly it all depends on the content and amount. But since this is only K+, it shouldn't be too bad, though it still ought to be rated a T. Regardless, we start off with a battle between Ethan and Silver.<p>

* * *

><p><em>"Hmp! Weak!" Silver shouted at Ethan, as he knocked one of Ethan's Pokemon out.<em>

_"Yeah, well I already beat three of yours! You just got my first one down!" Ethan shouted back, sending out his Togekiss next._

_"Hmp! Sneasel, Faint Attack!" Silver shouted. Much to his surprise, it didn't do as much as he thought it would!_

* * *

><p>Is 'Hmp!' Silver's catchphrase now? Admittedly I can see him saying that, but he's already proving to be more pompous than Victini and that accursed wheel.<p>

* * *

><p><em>"Togekiss, use Dazzling Gleam!" Togekiss gave a happy cry, and glowed in a harsh pink light. When it faded, Sneasel lay defeated on the ground.<em>

_"The hell was that?!" Silver shouted._

_"Haven't you heard of the new Fairy classification? It resists Dark, Fighting, and Dragon!"_

* * *

><p>First, it is sadly <em>immune <em>to Dragon Types, not resistant. Second, you cannot convey the future upon the past in such a manner; if a Dark Type attack worked perfectly fine before, it would still be effective since HG/SS took place before Kalos. That would be like saying:

* * *

><p><em>Gates to Infinity Developer: Hmm... I don't like how the Swords of Justice are portrayed as competent and admirable Pokémon... so I think I'll just take out two of them, turn Virizion into a glamor girl and Keldeo into someone more neurotic than George Costanza! That way all the established canon that I have no control over will have to conform to my wishes! Ha-ha-ha!<em>

* * *

><p><em>Silver growled, and then sent out Gengar. "Sludge Bomb!" Gengar obeyed, and Togekiss was defeated.<em>

_"Aw! You found Fairy's weakness…" Ethan pouted, causing Silver to smirk at battled for a while, and when they were done, they noticed that it began to storm very hard._

_"Crap! Well, time flies when you're having fun, right?" Ethan said._

_"Shut up!"_

* * *

><p>Well, Silver seems to be in a good mood today.<p>

* * *

><p><em>"Jeez, someone's cranky…" They proceeded to run through the storm, attempting to find shelter. They ran under a large tree.<em>

_"This is a really bad idea…" Ethan remarked uneasily._

_"What are you whining about now?"_

_"Branches fall in the storm, and this tree has some pretty big ones."_

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus blinked in confusion.)<em>

Then why on earth did you pick that one!?

_(Masamune: Imbecile!)_

* * *

><p><em>"Then you can stop being a wuss and find a better place to hide." Just then, a loud boom of thunder sounded, and Ethan made a pathetic squeak under his breath. Which Silver unfortunately heard.<em>

_"Seriously, you're scared of thunder? What are you, five years old?"_

_"I'm not scared!"_

_"Sure, and Magikarp live on land."_

_"Fine, I'm scared? Can you let it go now?"_

_"Hmp. Fine. You're such a weakling."_

_"Shut up!"_

_Another boom of thunder sounded, and Ethan squeaked again. Silver just barely contained laughter. After about fifteen minutes or so, the storm started to move on. Then, a rainbow appeared._

_"Wow! It's really pretty, isn't it?" Ethan asked with sparkles in his eyes._

* * *

><p><em>(Michael Palin: Sixteen stone of... Pure man.)<em>

_(__Arceus chortled.)_

I'm sorry, but the thought of the womanizing and mischievous Gold having a counter part in this... this pansy, is laughable. Is the author trying to make Ethan into a girl? Sure he has a Marill in the games, but that trait is shared with Lyra should the player choose him. But I think giving him a Togekiss, having him pout, squeal at lightning and be fascinated by rainbows is pushing it a bit.

* * *

><p><em>"What are you, a five year old girl?" Silver responded, personally thinking that the rainbow was an annoying shade of happiness.<em>

_No! Rainbows are just awesome!"_

_"Whatever helps you sleep at night…" Did I really just get beat by this girl? Silver thought._

* * *

><p>You know, I think I might just leave this review to Silver. He seems to be doing a perfectly good job on his own.<p>

* * *

><p><em>A few days later<em>

_Silver was at Ethan's house because Lyra wanted them to watch a movie with her. Personally, Silver had better things to be doing, but Lyra forced him into it, and he's learned by now that it was impossible to say no to her._

* * *

><p>How is it impossible? You clearly had no problem berating Ethan, so why would you have reservations in letting marshmallow hat have it? Unless... No, I'm thinking into this to much. It can't possibly be a contrived method of slipping in some SoulSlivershipping that will have no effect on the greater plot.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Ugh. Sometimes I wish I could do things without them interfering. A few months ago, I would have just kicked them and<em>_walked out. Since when have I gotten this soft? Is it them making me like this. Are friends really for the weak after all? __Silver questioned himself. Maybe it was weak. After all, if he didn't have those two as friends, he could be training and __getting stronger, right? What would they say. They would- wait, when have I become so dependent on someone else's __judgment? That's it. It must be them making me weak._ He was about to ditch on the movie, when Lyra ran up to the TV and started the movie, then sat next to him and held onto his arm. So much for ditching.

* * *

><p>Well, it's not forceful so I won't complain.<p>

* * *

><p><em>After it was over, Lyra went home. However, Ethan saw the look on Silver's face.<em>

_"Hey, man. I know the movie wasn't that interesting, but come on! It wasn't that bad!"_

_"Hmp. The characters were so weak." He replied. Honestly, he hadn't payed the slightest attention to the movie, and didn't know a thing about the characters, but he needed an excuse. If Ethan found out what he was really thinking, he'd be in for a huge lecture, and he'd rather not sit through one of those._

__Damn it! I really am getting weak! If things were how they were before, then I would have just kicked him when he started_  
><em>to get annoying! What happened to me?!<em>_

* * *

><p>You usurped my position in pointing out flaws?<p>

* * *

><p><em>"I don't know, you got a life?"<em>

_Damn it, he just said that out loud, didn't he?_

_"Yup."_

_"Screw you."_

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus snorted.)<em>

I am not sure whether to find that amusing or disturbing. I wonder what other thoughts Ethan has read?

* * *

><p><em>Silver's thoughts: I'm getting a little hungry... I wonder what Ethan has to eat?<em>

_Ethan: I have a few slices of pizza in the fridge._

_Silver: Thanks... Wait! How di-_

_Ethan: I can read minds._

_Silver: Really? Then what am I thinking of right now?_

_Ethan: That I can't read minds and that your favorite color is silver._

_Silver: That's obvious idiot! if you're so smart, then tell me what I'm thinking now._

_Ethan: You're trying to think up stuff that doesn't make sense to confuse me._

_Silver: Darn it!_

* * *

><p><em>Ethan sighed. Just when we thought we were getting through to him… "Hey man, I got something that will show you that even Pokemon know how valuable friendship is. Tomorrow, you're coming with me to Sinnoh.<em>

_"Wonderful…" Silver said sarcastically._

* * *

><p>That's it? No objections? Someone just says off the cuff that they're dragging you off to another region tomorrow and all you can muster is an indifferent and sarcastic remark?<p>

* * *

><p><span><em>The next day<em>

_Silver was seriously thinking about finding a place to hide. Knowing Ethan, he'd probably bring him to a rainbow field or a natural Skittles factory or something girly and disgusting like that._

* * *

><p>Both of those are an oxymoron. But if Ethan truly wanted to take you to an effeminate place where you can learn friendship is magic-<p>

_(Arceus suddenly gulped as a red dot appeared between his eyes.)_

For my sake, I believe it would be better not to finish that statement.

* * *

><p><em>But hiding would be weak. So he faced Ethan like a man, and swore him out while getting on the plane. He didn't even know why Ethan would buy plane tickets instead of just using their Pokemon to fly, but Ethan was weird.<em>

_After a few hours of a freezing cold plane ride, they landed in Hearthome City. Ethan took him north of it, and into these weird ruins. This was certainly strange, because as far as he knew, rainbows don't appear in caves. But a lot of weird things have happened that week._

* * *

><p>That week? Did the author forget to add in a few scenes? Well, I suppose we can just summarize the missing portions with this:<p>

_(Jerry Seinfeld: Yada, Yada, Yada.)_

* * *

><p><em>Ethan led him through a lot of staircases. Having nothing better to do, Silver mapped out the route in his head. Top right, lower left, top right, top left, top left, lower left. They finally got to the bottom. Ethan led him to a carving in the walls.<em>

_"Read it." He commanded. "It was made by the Alphabet Pokemon, Unown."_

_Silver snickered. Unown were weaklings. Their stats were low, and they could only learn one move. However, seeing as he wasn't getting out of there until he did what Ethan wanted, he read the symbols._

_Friendship_

_All lives_

_Touch other_

_Lives to create_

_Something_

_Anew and alive_

_That was it? Weak. Ethan led him back up to the top._

* * *

><p>Well, I have to give the author credit for bringing back an obscure episode of the anime to use as part of the plot.<p>

* * *

><p><em>"Ok. Now I want you to go down and catch one of every Unown you see on the way."<em>

_"What?" This was really, really stupid and annoying._

_"You heard me. You aren't getting out of this until you do. Better get going."_

_Silver gritted his teeth and went down. It wasn't hard to catch those things. They were weak._

_When he got back up, he threw the Pokeballs at Ethan._

_"There, happy? Now that you've wasted my precious time for nothing-"_

_"Look." Silver looked back, and saw the the Unown have arranged themselves in order to spell the word "friend"._

* * *

><p>Didn't Ethan say one of every Unown? So what are the other twenty-two doing?<p>

* * *

><p><em>"Weak." He said.<em>

_"Maybe alone they are, but look at the Pokedex."_

_This is so pointless… Silver thought, but he looked anyway._

_"When alone, nothing happens, but when there are two or more, an odd power is said to emerge."_

_"These things swarmed together once and managed to deal damage to legendaries. There's strength in numbers after all, and the more you have on your side, the stronger you are."_

_For once, Silver was silent. It was hard to believe that something like that happened, but something inside him knew it was true. Damn it, why does Ethan always have to be right?_

* * *

><p>Because this is a friendship story, and the end justifies the means when writing these.<p>

* * *

><p><em>He looked back and saw him wearing that familiar, infuriating grin.<em>

_"I'm pretty sure you got the point by now. Let's go back to Johto. On our Pokemon this time."_

_"Speaking of which, why didn't you just use Pokemon to fly over here in the first place? Scared I was going to run off?"_

_"Well, that's a small part of it."_

_"And what was the bigger part?" Silver asked expectantly._

_Ethan gave a dorky grin. "They have great food on that plane!" Silver nearly facepalmed hard enough to leave a dent in his forehead._

* * *

><p>And on that amusing note, Unown Friendship comes to it's conclusion. So what is my Judgement? It was enjoyable. While not the best in terms of character (cough *Ethan* cough), it was enjoyable for the most part and even funny.<p>

Though it certainly has its share of discrepancies, this story was purely about friendship and can suffer them as a result. After all, this isn't a serious novel about life and death, just a short story about someone trying to get his friend to lighten up. Well, with that out of the way, I feel that some rest will do me well.

* * *

><p><span><strong>The End<strong>

_**Credits:**_

_The Angry Bug Show_

_Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Gates to Infinity_

_Pokémon Conquest_

_Monty Python's Flying Circus - Historical Impersonations_

_Seinfeld - The Yada Yada_


	4. Action Scene 1

_Somewhere in the Distortion World..._

* * *

><p>Giratina frantically flew to the prison cell that held Prisoner M, only to enter right as the defective Mew teleported away in a flash of light, leaving behind a shattered prison cell and an army of unconscious Dusclops. Giratina floated over to the barely conscious Dusknoir that served as the general, and looked down at the Ghost Type that was slumped against the wall. The Renegade Pokémon already knew what obviously happened, he needed to find out what Origin Mew was planning. After all, it was customary for egotistical villains to declare what their plans were whenever they escaped.<p>

General Dusknoir seemed to understand what Giratina wanted. "He said... he would show who the original Pokémon really was..."

The ghost type slumped back against the wall after that while Giratina started to panic, flying back and forth in a frenzied worry. _"Not good, not good! Father is going to kill me, if Origin Mew doesn't kill him first! He was so overpowered back in Gen I that father had to imprison him, erase as much knowledge of him as possible and create an idiot in his place."_

Giratina stopped flying for a second, blinking, contemplating his previous thought._ "But then again Mew's probably done more damage than Origin Mew could have ever have hoped to do.__" _The Ghost/Dragon type then began flying again, muttering under his breath as thoughts raced through his head.

Giratina stopped flying abruptly through his haphazard pacing and suddenly took a deep breath. _"Calm down, calm down. This is father we're talking about; he can't possibly lose. Not even to Origin Mew. But when he destroys that abomination he'll want to know why it was in the Hall in the first place..."_

The Renegade Pokémon then started to sweat profusely, only for it to teleport a few bottles of whiskey into the room. He hovered one of them in front of him, popped the cork, and raised it in a sardonic cheer.

_"Oh well... It doesn't matter who wins; I'm dead either way. Might as well hope I'll be too drunk to feel death."_

* * *

><p>While Arceus was nestled, asleep in his chambers, with visions of Mew destroying the hall dancing in his head, said Legendary was absentmindedly floating throughout said hall. The Pink, feline-like Legendary let out a heavy sigh in pure boredom.<p>

"There's nothing to do... I just wish _something_ would happen." Then, as if AuraWielder himself decided to intervene, a bright flash of light appeared behind Mew. The Psychic Type turned around and saw a white, hunchback, fetus-like deformed version of herself. The two silently stared at each other for a few seconds, before Mew decided to speak up rather than scream and run. Well, run at least.

"AGH! Doppelgänger!" Origin Mew rolled his hollow eyes in response.

"Please, I'm the original. You're just some simpleton Arceus made to replace me." Mew gawked at his statement.

"Replace!? I'm the one and only Mew... not... not some knockoff." Origin Mew grew a disturbing smirk at the sight of the distraught Pokémon across from him.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night. But the truth remains; I was created first and was the only Pokémon on earth powerful enough to challenge Arceus. And when I was defeated he made you, the idiotic and weaker version of me, as well as the Dark Type to make sure he would remain unchallenged. But now I'm here to exact my revenge. So get out the way or be eradicated!" the deformed Mew's eyes flared blue at the final statement, followed by an icy blue aura surrounding him. Mew quickly recovered from her dejected state and hardened her features, adopting an emotionless glare.

"I don't like how stuffy and overbearing Arceus is, and I'm betting he won't trust me with anything important because he's afraid I'll turn into you... but I'm not about to let you go and attack him either. Besides; I'm the only one allowed to torment Arceus in this story and I won't let you infringe on my sole purpose in life!"

Origin Mew seemed taken aback by Mew's sudden change in personality, only to quickly get over it and unleash a Fire Blast. When the smoke from the explosion cleared, a green field of energy was surrounding an unscathed Mew, who had donned a helmet with a ridiculously large crescent. When the Protect wore off, Mew pulled out two dueling pistols from nowhere, the barrels on both being larger than her stubby arms, and aimed the at Origin Mew to his horrified shock.

"GUNS!? There are no guns in Pokémon!" Mew rolled her eyes.

"Do episodes twelve, nineteen, thirty-five and fifty-four ring any bells?" Fetus Mew started muttering under his breath at that, before Mew got his attention again.

"Now, these flintlock handguns may be centuries old and horribly inaccurate, but they also happen to be some of the most destructive firearms in history... So, you've gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?" Origin Mew gulped at that and quickly dodged the first shot that Mew fired off, the recoil launching Mew's arm back, and hastily darted from his position, with Mew following close behind him.

"Dance you deformed reject, DANCE!" she shouted, pulling the trigger a few dozen more times, riddling the floor beneath them with holes. Eventually Origin Mew managed to gain enough distance to safely generate a portal back to the Distortion World, jump in it, and close it before Mew managed to pursue.

* * *

><p>Giratina was now slightly wobbling in place, still in the prison and surrounded by bottles and unconscious Ghost Types. Just as he was getting ready to say something, a small portal opened in front of him. When Origin Mew tumbled out, Giratina was too shocked to act.<p>

"Get me away from that psychopath!" he shouted at the now thoroughly confused Giratina.

"What?"

"You heard me! Lock me up, throw away the key. Anything to keep _her _away from me!" Origin Mew shouted, pointing at Mew, who had by now formed her own portal and appeared behind him. Giratina looked over to said Psychic Type, only for Mew to wave and give a toothy grin, followed by a backflip in mid air. The Renegade Pokémon looked down to the white Psychic Type, who was staring in disbelief.

"It's all an act, I tell you!" Giratina just ignored Origin Mew, having dismissed him as nothing more than a delusion brought about by his drunken imagination and desperation. The deformed fetus growled, but then flew back to where his sphere like prison used to be, levitated the pieces back in mid air around him, and sealed himself back inside.

After watching in pure disbelief, Giratina turned back to Mew only to find she had left. Shaking his golden head at what had just happened, Giratina levitated one of the discarded whiskey bottles, scanning the list of ingredients.

* * *

><p>As Mew flew out of the portal and back into the Hall, she found Arceus waiting for her.<p>

"Where were you?" was all the Alpha Pokémon asked, followed by a telepathic yawn. Mew only giggled innocently at his questioning.

"Oh, nowhere important." Arceus raised a nonexistent eyebrow at Mew's statement.

"Nowhere important, hmm?" Arceus replied sarcastically, levitating one of the marble sized metallic balls from its place in the floor. Mew only started to laugh nervously as Arceus' glare intensified. To her surprise though, rather than yell he merely teleported a broom, dustpan, and bucket of plaster into the room before wordlessly leaving.

* * *

><p><strong>Note from the Author:<strong>

Oh dear, I think I might have gone too far this time. But then again I've seen crazier.

Anyways, I felt that Mew deserved a bit more attention, given how much of Arceus' attention she takes up, and the idea gradually formed after Kyurem the Critic's One Year Extravaganza (Thanks again to Mr. Grool for letting me use Origin Mew).

Oh, and in response to a question I was asked by a friend of mine; "who did you try to model Mew after?" Admittedly I modeled this version of Mew after a character from my favorite cartoon: Bloo from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. Just like Bloo, she's cute, somewhat well-meaning and occasionally considerate, but usually lazy, somewhat greedy, and even a bit sociopathic. That was the original model, anyway, but I feel that she's taken on a bit of a unique personality of her own that I can't really define.

Also, what is it about Origin Mew that makes people quote _Dirty Harry_?


	5. Let It Pass

"Greetings. Today I will be reviewing a Pokémon Conquest story that deals with the death of a loved one."

* * *

><p><em>Motonari's Malady<em>

* * *

><p>"No, no... If I were to review that, I would become an even bigger rip-off of Keldeo, not to mention it would be shameless advertising." As Arceus said that, a certain Civilization Leader happened to pop up on his computer.<p>

"Speaking of shameless advertising; don't forget to read The-" Arceus quickly turned off the software before the man could finish his sentence.

"With that aside, why don't we begin?"

**Arceus the Critic**

**"Let It Pass" by **Akai Shi-Koret****

* * *

><p><em><strong><strong>Let It Pass<strong>**_

_By: Akai Shi-Koret_

_A short featuring Kanbei and Hanbei from Pokemon Conquest. Don't ask me why I wrote this cause IDK either._

* * *

><p>If you don't know why you wrote it then why should we read it? Why don't you know why you wrote it? Do you usually not write tragedy?<p>

_(Arceus shook his head then sighed.)_

We're not even pass the summary yet and I'm already confused. This doesn't bode well.

* * *

><p><em>The electric lights of Kanbei's room were always dim, but that night they had been extinguished completely. Darkness clung to the corners of the chamber and hung from the arms of the heavy steel chandelier above. A single candle flickered in a corner of the room, providing barely enough illumination for the Warrior to see the paper he wrote on. Wax dripped down the sides of the candlestick and pooled slowly around its base, but Kanbei never noticed.<em>

* * *

><p>Well, this is a very descriptive start, so perhaps my fears were unf- wait... Electric lights, a chandelier and a candlestick? Can't this author ever make up his mind!?<p>

* * *

><p><em>His thoughts were focused solely and completely on his writing, never straying away even when a maid knocked on his door or when the floor trembled from another volcanic upsurge.<em>

* * *

><p>The author and Kanbei are clearly two different people when it comes to writing.<p>

* * *

><p><em>The words poured from his quill as he frantically scribbled his way across the page, but not fast enough to capture the full breadth of his train of thought. The faster he wrote, the more ended up slipping away from his mind off to places unknown. Finally, Kanbei dropped the writing utensil in disgust, leaning over the desk and resting his head in his hands. He'd been on the verge of a breakthrough, of that he was sure, but the idea had disappeared before he'd been able to write it down. As it usually did.<em>

_A soft noise, like the sound of an iron lamp swaying in the wind, echoed from the ceiling above him and a faint blue light suddenly permeated the room. Kanbei glanced up instinctively just in time to see the ghostly form of his Lampent drift down through the wooden surface, spinning slightly as though in a breeze._

* * *

><p>Correct me if I'm wrong... but a "volcanic upsurge" won't distract you from writing, but a blue light will?<p>

_(Dug: Squirrel!)_

Ohhh, Terrifying...

* * *

><p><em><em>"Where have you been?" Kanbei muttered softly as the Pokemon came to a rest over his left shoulder. The lamp simply made a gesture with one of the iron tendrils that served as its arms, while visions of the battlefield flashed through Kanbei's mind. Watching, the Pokemon said. Waiting.<em>_

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus rolled his eyes.)<em>

More unexplained vagueness and confusion! Hooray!

* * *

><p><em><em>But there was something else on the periphery of its consciousness as well, something that it attempted to conceal from Kanbei even as he sought to discover what it was. "And?" the Warrior asked, making no effort to hide his disappointment. The Pokemon floated away from its partner, intent on fleeing through the nearest wall, but a sharp mental tug from Kanbei pulled it up short.<em>_

* * *

><p><em><em>(Arceus furrowed his non-existent eyebrows in observation.)<em>_

I feel compelled to point this out, since no one who has not played Conquest will notice this, and I doubt that most people who have played Conquest will either; this author is putting the link between warrior and Pokémon into his story. Now, despite this is arguably one of the most important aspects of the game, it is oddly underused in Fanfiction.

Some of the better stories will mention it in passing, or explain it as being a method of communication between the partners, but this is the first story I have read that actually goes into detail about this concept, and manages to do it quite well. So I must give kudos to the author for this scene.

* * *

><p><em>It fought the strain for a brief second, but upon realizing that Kanbei would give no quarter it gave in. Searching for him, it admitted mournfully.<em>

_Kanbei slumped in his chair, disappointment, anger, and sadness rising up all at once. "I've told you, he's not coming back," he said hollowly. "People don't follow the same rules as Pokemon."_

_The Lampent curved its arms above its head at the gesture, making a perfect circle with its head in the middle. Some do, it whispered in Kanbei's mind. Some have returned._

_"And most don't," the Warrior snapped. "It's been a month now. He'd dead, Lampent._

* * *

><p><em>(John Cleese: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.)<em>

* * *

><p><em><em>His voice was cold and disciplined, but the thoughts that spread to his Pokemon through the mental link they shared were a maelstrom of emotions – anger at his Pokemon for being foolish, anger at himself, and always the ever-present melancholy that threatened to swallow him. The ghost flinched under the barrage of feelings and drifted to the floor, bobbing in and out of the dark rug like a lamp floating through an ancient sea. Sorry, it said, the word ringing through Kanbei's head like the toll of a bell.<br>__

__Kanbei cut off the emotions, forcing them back down into the depths of his being. "No, I'm sorry," he apologized,__

* * *

><p><em><em>(Arceus grunted in anger.)<em>_

Why is this author so confused!? First you say Kanbei cut off his emotions, then you have him apologize! Make up your mind already!

* * *

><p><em>"It's not your fault." The past he'd fought so long to keep out of his head was suddenly upon him and Kanbei remembered it all – the early warning signs, the coughing, the final sickness. How Hanbei had never seemed to treat it seriously, always waving off the illness as though it'd be over by the next day. "Just because you like Ghost Pokemon doesn't mean you can tell when people are going to die," he'd said in between coughs one day.<em>

* * *

><p><em>(Zorua: I almost got killed once!)<em>

* * *

><p><em>"Besides, I like it this way. Lord Hideyoshi can't complain about me staying in bed all the time now." The mere memory of his brother's broad grin was almost too much to handle.<em>

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus' eyes nearly bulged out of his head at that one word.)<em>

B-Brother!?

* * *

><p><em>brother's<em>

* * *

><p><em>(A picture of Kanbei and Hanbei appeared on the screen, with their names underneath their respective pictures; Kanbei Kuroda, Hanbei Takenaka.)<em>

What on earth compelled the author to make them brothers? Was it because of their names? Was it because this is a tragedy and it would be more tragic if he lost his brother? If it's the latter, I can understand but at least give us some warning that you're taking Pokémon down a darker route. But nope, no author's notes or something in the summary to mention that the author is taking massive liberties with Pokémon by having Hanbei be killed in battle and then making him Kanbei's brother.

* * *

><p><em>"You know, you can cry for me," a voice whispered suddenly in Kanbei's ear. The Warrior jolted out of his chair immediately, spinning to face the threat while his Lampent spiraled up from the floor, blue flames burning even more brightly. Both Warrior and Pokemon froze as they realized what they were seeing – there, sitting on Kanbei's desk as though it was a park bench, was Hanbei. "Hey, brother," the apparition said with a lazy wave.<em>

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus just stared at the screen in pure shock.)<em>

* * *

><p><em><em>Kanbei blinked. "What…?" he managed to eke out before confusion, relief, and shock welled up within him and shut down his ability to speak. His Lampent was similarly silenced, although it had a completely different feeling. I was right, it said with a triumphant air. I was right.<em>_

* * *

><p>Because the first thing you do when you see a Ghost is to say "I told you so".<p>

* * *

><p><em><em>Kanbei's shock was enough to elicit a laugh from Hanbei – one that didn't end in coughing. "What's the matter Kanbei?," he said, slipping off the desk and taking a few steps forward. "You didn't think something like death was gonna keep me from bothering you, huh?"<em>_

* * *

><p><em><em>(Arceus snorted.)<em>_

I know this is supposed to be a tragedy, but the author somehow managed to make this funny.

_(Arceus blinked a few more times at an epiphany.)_

Come on; the author can't even decide if he wants this to be a comedy or a tragedy! MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY!

* * *

><p><em>He glanced backwards at the paper Kanbei had been working on early. "I see you've been keeping busy. What's all this?"<em>

_The white-haired Warrior wasn't fully recovered from the surprise, but had enough sense of mind to snatch the paper off the desk. "You know I don't let you read anything I write," he said, stowing the white sheet away within the sleeve of his robe. "Now, how did you come back?" he asked bluntly. "And why?"_

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus starts imitating Hanbei's voice.)<em>

And a fine howdy-do to you as well. Glad to know that if I ever bend the laws of reality just to come back and see you again, your main priorities will still be writing.

* * *

><p><em>Hanbei's grin faded into a shrug. "You're the ghost master here, Kanbei," he said with a wink. "I just figured you could use my company. Otherwise you'd NEVER leave this room. Isn't that right Raichu?" For the first time, Kanbei noticed the spectral thunder mouse that was sitting at his brother's feet, lazily absorbing the conversation. It nodded enthusiastically at the question, mimicking its partner's wink.<em>

* * *

><p>You know, I find it to be amusing how this is supposed to be sad, but the author has unintentionally made this funny.<p>

* * *

><p><em>(A deep voice can be heard as a film projector starts counting down.)<em>

**_W__hat you are about to see is surreal. It has been edited and enhanced for comedic purposes._**

_A soft noise, like the sound of an iron lamp swaying in the wind, echoed from the ceiling above him and a faint blue light suddenly permeated the room._

_The Warrior jolted out of his chair_

_"Hey, brother," the apparition said with a lazy wave._

**_A comedy the likes of which has not been seen since Manos: The Hands of Fate._**

_there, sitting on Kanbei's desk as though it was a park bench, was Hanbei._

_"You didn't think something like death was gonna keep me from bothering you, huh?"_

_"So you're here to haunt me?" Kanbei asked, starting to feel slightly annoyed._

_It nodded enthusiastically at the question, mimicking its partner's wink._

_"You're the ghost master here, Kanbei," he said with a wink. "I just figured you could use my company. Otherwise you'd NEVER leave this room. Isn't that right Raichu?"_

**_Starring:_**

**_Hanbei Takenaka_**

_"What he said," Hanbei finished,_

_**Kanbei Kuroda**_

_Kanbei blinked. "What…?"_

**_Lampent_**

_Do not forget, it said, hovering in front of its partner's face._

**_And that guy from that thing in the eighties._**

**_Ghost Brother_**

_With one final wink, Hanbei stepped through the wall and out of sight, his Raichu following close behind._

**_Coming soon_**

* * *

><p><em>"So you're here to haunt me?" Kanbei asked, starting to feel slightly annoyed. The irritation spiked when Hanbei gave a hearty nod. "And to keep you from getting too annoyed at Lord Hideyoshi, that is," Hanbei replied.<em>

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus continues to imitate Hanbei's voice.)<em>

You'll be so fed up with my antics that you won't even have time for the Monferno. Heck, I'm sure you'll have to call Ghostbusters just to get some peace of mind.

* * *

><p><em>Upon seeing his brother's frown though, Hanbei's smile disappeared. "There IS a reason I came back," he said soberly. "You'd better listen though, 'cause I'm only gonna say this once." He paused to ensure that Kanbei was paying attention, took a breath, and continued. "You can't ignore life just because someone has gone out of it, Kanbei. I know you're all obsessed with death and ghosts and stuff, but seriously dude – get over it." A small grin reappeared on Hanbei's face. "And you've got your whole 'take over the world' plan to figure out anyways. You don't have time to worry about me."<em>

* * *

><p>Well, this author has managed to pull off a heartwarm- wait...<p>

* * *

><p><em>He paused to ensure that Kanbei was paying attention, took a breath, and continued.<em>

* * *

><p>The dead don't need to breath!<p>

* * *

><p><em>Kanbei's face was impassive. "Hanbei, how am I to just forget you?" he asked, keeping the emotion out of his voice with some effort. His older brother opened his mouth to respond, but Kanbei's Lampent was faster. Do not forget, it said, hovering in front of its partner's face. Remember. And let pass on.<em>

_"What he said," Hanbei finished, pointing at the ghost. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some business to attend to." He turned towards the nearby wall, walking towards it with the clear intent of going straight through. "This is pretty neat, you gotta admit," he said with a grin as he stuck a hand into the surface._

_"Wait," Kanbei said, lurching forwards a step or two. "Is this goodbye then?"_

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus sighed<em>.)

Of course not. That would be too tragic. No, just insert another joke that's more unexpected than the Spanish Inquisition, and I think we can call it a day.

* * *

><p><em>Hanbei shook his head. "Nah, I think I'll be back," he said, eyes screwed up as though evaluating a mental list of things to do. "Just to heckle you a bit more. But for right now at least, there are more pressing concerns – like Nene taking a bath." With one final wink, Hanbei stepped through the wall and out of sight, his Raichu following close behind.<em>

* * *

><p>Right <em>there<em> is where this story breathes its last. It was doing a very good job of keeping Hanbei in character until it gave him this line:

* * *

><p><em>But for right now at least, there are more pressing concerns – like Nene taking a bath.<em>

* * *

><p>Can anyone who has played the source material see Hanbei saying this? What justification was there for perverting him!?<p>

* * *

><p><em>He'd only been gone a second when his head reappeared through the wall. "And bro?" he said. "I love you, man." And then his face slipped away through the wood and into places unknown.<em>

_Kanbei stared at the spot where his brother had disappeared for another few seconds before finally returning to his desk chair. Years of practice had kept him from ever uttering the words, but as he took his seat they floated to the top of his consciousness: "Love you too, Hanbei"._

* * *

><p>And with that, this story is concluded. So what is my Judgement on it? While it gets worse as it goes along, I can't really give one definite conclusion, so I'll just have to list out what I've noted.<p>

On the positive side, it is very well written and descriptive, with impeccable grammar and punctuation. The beginning had a very somber tone and the selection of Kanbei as the one who has lost someone dear to him was a good choice. Had it been anyone else other than Hanbei, perhaps an actual family member, it would have worked much better since the story could have focused on explaining _why_ he was so emotionless and dour. Likewise, it can be heartwarming when it wants too.

On the negative side, it tends to lapse into a confusing and indecisive mix that is a constant distraction. The biggest problem though was the selection of Hanbei. Now, while I think the idea of a deceased loved one coming back to try and help a depressed family member is a very good idea, the problem with it was the choice of having Hanbei be the one. Given their historical friendship I could see it happen, but simply due to Hanbei's personality it's a bad idea.

Why?

Well, Hanbei is an upbeat, wisecracking strategist that loves to both sleep and help Kanbei. So, naturally, injecting someone with such a light-hearted personality into a story that is supposed to be focusing on a very serious matter severely impedes the tone. This could have been easily remedied if the author changed Hanbei's personality a bit (which he did, just not in the right direction), but no such effort was made.

Overall, this story was okay, and if the author went back and changed around a few things it could actually be pretty good. Now, with that done, I believe there are other matters I must attend to.

_(After Arceus left his study, quiet reigned for a few moments before three individuals in matching red uniforms burst into the room.)_

"Nobody expects the Spa-"

**The End**

"Oh, Bugger."

_**Credits**_

_Up_

_Monty Python's Flying Circus: Dead Parrot_

_Zorua Reviews_

_Pokémon Conquest_

_Nostalgia Critic: Ghost Dad_

_Mystery Science Theater 3000: Manos: The Hands of Fate_

_Ghostbusters_

_Monty Python's Flying Circus: The Spanish Inquisition_

_Samurai Warriors_


	6. Editorial 2 & Dramatic Scene 1

Greetings. In light of the story I just reviewed, I'd like to talk about Pokémon Conquest a bit more. Now, this isn't going to be why it's great or deserving of more attention, just about the few little extras in it you probably never noticed. No, I'm not talking about the time when Motonari referenced Pokeballs, Kenshin and Shingen's five battles or Mitsuhide's Rebellion, I'm referring to the more subtle moments that are laced throughout the game. So why don't we take a look?

**Arceus the Critic**

**5 Things You (Probably) Never Knew About Pokémon Conquest**

* * *

><p><strong>Number 5: Pokémon Got Aurora's Name Wrong<strong>

Now, I imagine you're thinking how that is possible. And while this technically isn't in the game, I figured it was such a glaring error that it had to be addressed. You see, on the official English Pokémon Conquest site (which is still up to the best of my knowledge), they explain that you start off playing as the young Warlord of the _Primus _Kingdom. Not Aurora, but Primus.

What's worse is that this was one of the earliest entries on the site, so they had plenty of chances to fix this gaffe, but made no effort whatsoever. If you go there today, the mistake is still there for all to see.

**Number 4: Yoshimoto is a Joke Character**

Despite starting out with Pineco, which is one of the best Bug Types in game due to Bug Bite being its move (which, curiously enough, seems to be able to eat non-edibles), he is a joke character once Pineco evolves and becomes near useless in battle when he transforms.

Due to the fact that Fortress' sole move is Gyro Ball, meaning that even if the attack is super-effective it won't do much damage, combined with his ability that heals everyone but puts them all to sleep, means that Yoshimoto is better used as an administrator (which he is surprisingly good at) than anything else.

**Number 3: Nobunaga Was Right**

I suppose you are wondering why I would claim this, especially since Nobunaga became desperate enough in the final battle that he wanted to kill me. Well, why don't we take a look at his motives?

In both his and the Hero/ine's stories, he is sick of how decadent Ransei has become in their hapless pursuit of yours truly, and how cruel they got to each other and their partners in the process. While he tried to reason with people, they decried him as a fool. When Nobunaga realized that people could not be reasoned with through words he had to become the very thing he hated to bring about peace.

One could argue that the Hero's way was better; uniting the Kingdoms and linking with me to end the squabbling... but what would happen once the Hero passed on? People would naturally start fighting over me again, and Nobunaga knew this. He saw how decadent society had become and realized that he would not be able to reason with them.

After all, how could you reason with people who had become so calloused? The only way to force them to see reason was remove or destroy the object they were fighting over to begin with, which would create a long term, if not drastic, solution. While I would later return, I left for the time being in hopes that Ransei would manage to calm down and start to enjoy battles for their own sake rather than for what was on the line.

So even in defeat, Nobunaga still won the war.

**Number 2: Historical In-Jokes**

There are so many, so I will just list them out to save time:

While this is probably the most obvious; Hideyoshi's historical nickname was Monkey. I think you can fill in the blanks from there.

Nobunaga, who was suddenly betrayed and killed by Mitsuhide, uses Dragon Types while Mitsuhide uses Ice Types. Whereas Hideyoshi, who killed Mitsuhide to avenge Nobunaga, uses both Fire and Fighting. Likewise Ieyasu and Hideyoshi were rivals, and both have type advantages and disadvantages to cancel each other out; Fire/Fighting V.S Metal/Rock.

When Nobunaga is defeated by friendly fire, he will remark "How Fitting", which is another allusion to his historical death, and possibly him even mocking it.

At the end of Hanbei's story he starts coughing up a storm, and denies getting sick to Hideyoshi and Kanbei, which is a reference to the consumption that brought an untimely demise to him.

Despite Yoshimoto being an awful fighter, he is an good administrator due to his above average stats, which is a reference to the fact that he left most of the fighting to Sessai (who is one of the only named generic characters to speak in the main story), while he managed his fief.

Whenever Hideyoshi and Mitsuhide are in opposing armies during a capture the flag battle, both will have their energy maxed out after trading words, which is alluding to the historical battle of Yamazaki, where both rushed to seize Mt. Tenno before the other could. Likewise, when Nobunaga and Mitsuhide clash for the first time, both of their energy will increase as well.

Shigen's Rank II ability; Furin Kazan, is literally translated to "Wind, Forest, Fire, Mountain". That ability is a reference to passages from the Art of War that Shingen made as his standard: "as swift as wind, as silent as forest, as fierce as fire, as unshakeable as mountain."

Historically, Ginchiyo and Muneshige's marriage was very tense, to the point where they even lived in different castles at one point. This is represented by the fact that to Transform both have to be in the same army but in non-adjacent castles.

And finally: While all the Rank I designs are based off the characters from Samurai Warriors 3, with Rank II being more based on Pokémon, Nobunaga's Rank I sprite is actually based off his young Kessen III appearance, while Hideyoshi's base I sprite draws inspiration from both his Samurai Warriors and Samurai Warriors 2 designs, with both their Rank II being based on SW3. Not exactly historical, but still interesting nonetheless.

**Number 1: Keiji Makes a Star Trek Reference**

Yes, Keiji, the wild, wandering warrior with Terrakion as his partner, makes a Star Trek reference. No, I'm not joking.

Whenever you activate his ability he will say "Set your faces to stunned!", which is a pun on the classic line "Set phasers to stun". I really can't say anything else about it, it's just a funny little detail that's completely out of left field.

* * *

><p>Well, I think that concludes this. If there was something I missed, feel free to tell me.<p>

* * *

><p><span><strong>The<strong> **End**

_**Cred-**_

Mew suddenly floated into the study, and started poking the Alpha Pokemon on the back of his head, causing Arceus to stop the credits.

"Mew, could you please wait until we finish the credits? Is this even relevant?" Mew crossed her stubby arms at his questioning.

"Of course it is. It's not easy to get these editorials pass fifteen-hundred words, you know. Anyways, I just came in to stop you from ending the chapter without playing the skit first." Arceus' eyes were wide as saucers as he looked at her, utterly baffled at her statement.

"What ski-

* * *

><p>"Terrakion!" Kedleo's voice rang out from the depths of the Moor of Icirrus as he galloped through the wetlands. Keldeo came to a screeching halt when he found the napping Legendary, peacefully resting under the shade of one of the many trees in the Moor. He was shaken from his respite when Keldeo yelled out once more.<p>

"Terrakion!" Terrakion bolted awake at Keldeo's shouting, but when he saw it was the Blue Colt he merely gave a friendly smile.

"Hey, kiddo. What's all the fuss about?"

"This!" Keldeo exclaimed as he fished through his saddlebag, pulling out a tablet and tossing it over to Terrakion for him to see. Terrakion looked down at the portion that had been highlighted.

_"Keiji, the wild, wandering warrior with Terrakion as his partner"_

Terrakion looked back up at Keldeo like he was crazy. "Okay... And?" Keldeo gritted his teeth in response.

"You were in that _warmonger _of a game? Of all Pokémon a _Sword of Justice_!?"

"Yep! Oh man, those were the days. Traveling around Ransei with Keiji, helpin' anyone in need. Oh and the food, some of the best I've ever had!" Keldeo blinked absentmindedly at his reminiscence.

"That's okay, I guess..." Terrakion frowned.

"What's wrong, Keldeo? I though you came to terms with Conquest?"

"I did, but... Legendary Pokémon being used like that still doesn't sit right with me." Terrakion's brows furrowed at Keldeo's reasoning.

"Why? A lot of them seemed to enjoy it." Keldeo went wide eyed at his master's statement.

"A lot of them!?" Terrakion nodded in response.

"Yep. Arceus himself, Rayquaza, Zekrom, Reshiram, Groundon, Mewtwo-"

"MEWTWO WAS IN CONQUEST!?" Keldeo shouted in pure shock.

"Yeah, he-" Terrakion never finished his statement as Keldeo bolted away from him, galloping towards the exit to the swampland.

* * *

><p>Mewtwo was meditating in his cave, completely peaceful and content. Then Keldeo dashed into the room as fast as he possible could, shattering any sense of tranquility. Mewtwo edged one eye open in irritation, only to see Keldeo glaring angrily at him, brows furrowed and a scowl upon his snout.<p>

"Why didn't you tell me you were in Conquest, Mewtwo?" Mewtwo raised an eyebrow at his question.

"I did not believe it was important."

"Well how did you end up in Ransei in the first place?" Mewtwo put one of his three fingered hands to his chin, and raised his head in a reminiscent pose.

"Let me think... it was some time after the events of the first movie. I was beginning to doubt my place in life and one day I just left."

"Left?"

"I left the island, the Clone Pokémon, Mew, and I flew as far away as I could. It was a foolish and reckless choice, looking back, but I was desperate for a purpose." Keldeo grimaced at his statement.

"You had the Clone Pokémon to protect." Mewtwo shook his head.

"After so long of being on that island, they were starting to prove to me that they could live on their own. I couldn't shepherd them forever. Regardless, I soared. I flew and flew and... well, perhaps this would be easier to explain if it were a flashback." Keldeo seemed to be taken off guard when Mewtwo used his Psychic abilities to project his memories around them, as if it were a movie.

* * *

><p>Mewtwo was floating through the heavens at a steady speed, his tail occasionally grazing the atmosphere as it swayed back and forth whenever he would shake. A thin layer of frost had started to gather on his body, a consequence of flying at such an altitude. Mewtwo then grunted at the pressure surrounding his frame, immediately regretting the action as a small, yet vitally important, amount of oxygen left his body.<p>

_"How on earth does Rayquaza handle this on a daily basis!? Especially with his type matchup..."_

The Psychic Type's thoughts were interrupted as he felt himself to slowly become dizzy at the lack of oxygen. He then looked down at the clouds, hoping that he would find something besides water beneath them.

_"It has been some time since I got to this altitude to conserve energy. Hopefully there will be something, anything I can rest on below..." _Mewtwo then shot downwards, breaking through the clouds as the last of his energy was consumed. He managed to wince open his eyes and saw he was headed on a collision course with a landmass he had never seen before.

It appeared that he was destined to collapse in a particularly mountainous region smack dab in the center, and mustering the last of his strength, managed to create a psychic barrier around himself before crashing into the face of a large purple crystal, not even noticing that it was floating before falling into unconsciousness. Everything faded into a black abyss.

* * *

><p>Mewtwo groaned as he felt his body being lifted up by someone, only to be thrown over their shoulder like a rag doll. His eyelids felt too heavy to open, and he was to exhausted fight against whoever was carrying him.<p>

"Do not exert yourself to much. Your injuries are grievous." a deep voice warned in response to his moaning.

_"Injuries?" _The Psychic did a mental diagnosis of his body a detected a few broken ribs, a fractured femur and arm and possibly a concussion. After what felt like an eternity of being carried in a extremely uncomfortable fashion, Mewtwo heard what sounded like massive doors creaking open, indicating they were entering some structure.

He could only hope that Arceus had been kind enough to let him be found by kind humans, or at least ones who weren't complete monsters. After having been carried through wherever he was, the person carrying him stopped and set the purple Pokémon down on what he felt was a bed of some kind. He heard the man's, as his voice was to deep to belong to a woman's, footsteps as he left the room, only to return minutes later.

Mewtwo then felt something pressed against his mouth, a dish or bowl of some kind, followed by an extremely bitter paste being poured into his mouth. The sudden stimuli forced his eyes open as he felt revitalized and disgusted at the same time.

"_W-What was that?" _the Psychic uttered between coughs.

"Grounded Lum and Oran berries. Bitter, but they seemed to have worked." Mewtwo then lifted his head to look at his rescuer and possible captor to see a middle aged man, robed in white, who looked back with one of the most stoic expressions he had seen.

"You need to drink more." the man said as he extended the shallow ceramic vessel again, which Mewtwo took hesitantly. He warily raised his free hand and pinched his nose as he drank more of the distasteful concoction, relieved to feel some of his strength return as he drank the last. The Psychic returned the bowl to the man, blanching at the aftertaste when he removed his hand from his stubby nose, and was shocked when his rescuer absentmindedly tossed the bowl over his shoulder, not even blinking when it shattered.

"Tell me, why are you here?" Mewtwo blinked, not exactly sure himself.

_"I... I am not sure what I was looking for."_

"Then perhaps that is why you are here." Mewtwo lifted his head off the bed, wincing as he felt a sharp pain in his back, looking at the man in curiosity.

"I sense a great power within you. But it is wild, untamed, and volatile. If you are willing, I can teach you to use it for righteousness."

* * *

><p>"So I did just that," Mewtwo commented as the flashback faded from around them. "Kenshin taught me to use my abilities to help others, regardless of the cost. He also helped me to come to terms with the world... and my place in it. I was content to stay in Ransei forever, and I stayed there so long that Pokémon had to make Mewtwo Girl to fill in my position."<p>

"So why did you come back?" Keldeo noticed Mewtwo grimaced at his question.

"Kenshin was one of the few humans I can say I was glad, even honored, to know. But for all of his admirable qualities, he had a weakness for sake. Though I can never recall a time where he acted drunk, ultimately the alcohol took its toll on him..."

Mewtwo stopped speaking after that, and Keldeo did not question further.

"Well... If he helped you find peace, I guess it's okay for Legendaries to partner up with good humans." Mewtwo only silently nodded, clearly still remembering his old friend. Keldeo turned to leave, trotting out of the cave in a much more contained manner, headed back to the Moor.

* * *

><p><strong>Note from the Author:<strong>

I don't own Keldeo the Critic or the Retired Mewtwo, who are property of Matthias Unidostres.

This was originally supposed to be two chapters, but since I found something to review at last minute I decided to combine them. This last minute change was reflected in the fact that Arceus didn't even have time to add a parenthesis to the end of his question.

As for the skit, originally I thought it would be funny if Matthias had made a skit where Keldeo confronted Terrakion and/or Mewtwo over being in Conquest (had he, it would have been more funny than this), but then I started to think about Mewtwo himself. If Ransei is Medieval, then what is a clone doing there? That, and along with quite a few other subtle (and not so) pieces of evidence have led me to the conclusion that, canonically, Ransei is modern with a semi-feudal society.

And the only way I could reconcile Mewtwo's appearance with all the pertaining and succeeding facts was what he explained: The original Mewtwo ended up in Ransei for reasons of his own, and the humans created Mewtwo Girl for reasons unknown. Strange, yes, but it's the most logical reasoning I could come up with.

That said, I will always write Ransei as being medieval, because it simply makes more sense than the established canon.


	7. The prank

Greetings. Do you remember back at the end of Season One when I said I try to avoid romance? Well... I had an epiphany. Romance, when done well, is extremely hard to review due to the fact it would be cruel to leave cynical comments when most readers can sympathize and even enjoy or appreciate a loving moment between two characters. On the other hand; Bad Romance is a gold mine.

_(Arceus, despite having no mouth, smiled sardonically.)_

So, ladies and gentlemen, I give you; _The prank._

_(Arceus' demeanor quickly changed as he blinked a few times and then gulped nervously.)_

Please tell me this isn't the sequel to _The Secret._

**Arceus the Critic**

**"The prank" by FunSizePikachu**

* * *

><p><em>The prank <em>

_By: FunSizePikachu_

_May and Ash confess their feelings by a prank. One-shot advaceshipping_

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus let out a sigh of relief.)<em>

Oh thank goodness it's not ForkOnTheLeft. I don't think I could bear another story as inane as _that one._

* * *

><p><em>Ash was staying at the maples house after he arrived from Sinnoh and came to visit may. He was at the living room with may they were both sitting on the couch watching tv. Ash watched may with amusement as she was struggling on finding something good to watch, when she didn't find anything she ended with a huff and pout as she tossed the remote onto the coffee table. This caused ash to chuckle at her, she huffed more and blew up her bangs. Pikachu who was sleeping in ash's lap woke up slowly and yawned,he then looked at may curiously. Ash just laughed at her and her antics, this annoyed may a lot.<em>

* * *

><p>Why is May never capitalized? And what is up with this line!?<p>

* * *

><p><em>Ash just laughed at her and her antics<em>

* * *

><p>I don't know whether the author was writing and saw a squirrel or meant to put something else in place of her, but, frankly, I am at a loss for what that sentence is supposed to be.<p>

* * *

><p><em>"What are you laughing at Ketchum!?" May asked the boy annoyed.<em>

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus reeled back.)<em>

Has May turned into Iris?

* * *

><p><em>Ash stopped and looked at the annoyed girl with a smirk "nothing" ash responded, he looked down at pikachu and petted him which he received a coo from the pokemon.<em>

* * *

><p><em>(Chatot: The Guildmaster's writing is such a messy scrawl... This is so hard to decipher...)<em>

* * *

><p><em>"Hmph" she responded to the trainer and got up from the couch she then turns to him. "I'm going to the store to get snacks wanna come?"<em>

* * *

><p>Apparently the author gave May a split personality, since she goes from berating Ash to asking him if he wants to go to the store.<p>

* * *

><p><em>May: Hey, Ash. I need to get some groceries, could you help out?<em>

_Other May: Please, you're just asking him that 'cause you want a contrived method to confess your barely concealed feelings for him._

_May: S-Shut up!_

_Other May: Make me._

_(May then punched herself across the face, only to do it again before she threw herself to the floor while shouting at herself. Ash just quietly ran out of the room.)_

* * *

><p><em>"Nah ima stay here and relax" he replied as he rested on the couch lazily.<em>

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus growled lowly.)<em>

The author is even more lazy and incompetent than Ash, considering she couldn't even bother _to insert punctuation!_

* * *

><p><em>May facepalmed her self at the trainers antics "fine...what about you pikachu? Wanna come?"<em>

_"Chu-pi!" The little mouse cheered and jumped onto her shoulder, this caused may to smile and scratch his chin._

* * *

><p>Usually I would pan the author for having Pikachu willing part with Ash, but right now he's so out of character that I frankly don't care.<p>

* * *

><p><em>"Chaaaa..." May giggled at the Pokemon.<em>

_Ash looked at them with one eye opened and closed it again and chuckled._

_"What?"_

_"Nothing"_

_"Ugh! You never give a me a straight answer ash!"_

_"I know" he smirked at her again with eyes closed. May just rolled her eyes._

* * *

><p>Can any of you seeing a normal Ash have dialogue like this? I can't even see him watching television for more than five minutes. Next thing you know, this author is going to turn him into a maid and-<p>

_(Arceus hung his head and sighed.)_

* * *

><p><em>"Anyways while I'm gone with pikachu can you clean up a bit?"<em>

_"Yeah sure"_

_"Okay thanks! Oh do you want anything?"_

* * *

><p>Just a way to get out of this.<p>

* * *

><p><em>"A chocolate bar seems nice right now"<em>

_"K I'll be back" she said while putting on her shoes. She then headed to the door._

_"Cya ash!" "Pikapi!" The duo said to him and walked out the door. Ash looked out the living room window, watching them disappear into the distance. When they were gone ash sighed and started cleaning up the house._

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus stared blankly at the screen, a not-so-subtle horror plastered across his face.)<em>

Was this story originally a text? Why are- oh, what's the use...

* * *

><p><em>"Hmm everything looks clean...maybe i should clean May's room"<em>

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus' right eye is twitching uncontrollably as he is doing everything in his barely-controlled power to not decimate the story.)<em>

* * *

><p><em>Ash walked up the stairs into the brunette's room. He opened the door to reveal a brightly lit room with light pink walls a raised bed with plushies on them. To the other side was her desk with a laptop and pictures on the wall above it. Her wardrobe had her ribbons in frames along with more pictures. He walked in enjoying the scent of her room as he did something caught his eye on her bed. Ash walked to the bed were the object was, when he got close enough his smile widen at what he saw. On the bed was a book that said 'May's Diary DO NOT TOUCH!'<em>

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus snarled in a barely controlled fit of anger.)<em>

Can you possibly be more obvious!? The only thing that would top this in the 'disregard the obvious warning' category, would be if you had a big red button with the words 'do not press' labeled on it!

* * *

><p><em>He chuckled when he read the cover. "So may..." He scanned the book, it was bright red with white polka dots on it, it looked new. This made ash curious on what may was writing in it. "Hmm one page wouldn't hurt" he said to himself letting the curiosity get the best of him. He opened the book to find beautiful handwriting in neat paragraphs.<em>

* * *

><p>So we go through a short entry detailing Ash to an uncapitalized T, even getting the part where he is too dense to notice any overtures to him, <em>including the one he's reading<em> (which he naturally assumes is referring to someone else), until we get to a- well... I don't want to spoil how stupid this is. Just read it for yourselves.

* * *

><p><em>ash was a bit sadden that may thought of herself like that. "She is the most beautiful girl I know..who ever this guy is I'm going to hurt him if he hurts her" he looked down at her diary curious on what she wrote next. He turned the page to reveal something odd. In large black letters said You just got trolled! Whoever read this look behind you!.<em>

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus' right eye starts to twitch uncontrollably again, which follows by a spasm of his entire head. The Alpha Pokémon then starts chuckling darkly before the entire Hall begins to shake. His eyes then flash momentarily and Arceus, despite having no nose or mouth, takes a very deep breath. He then takes a few more for good measure and closes his eyes. He then begins to speak again, only for the line to play again, much to his horror.) <em>

Is... Is this a punishment for my iniquities?

_(As if answering yes, the line played again. Arceus screamed in pure anguish in response.)_

FINE! FINE, I'll CONFESS! Just make it stop!

I was the one who removed the dialogue and character development from Pokémon Conquest!

I was the one who gave Korrina the voice of Amy Rose!

I was the one who got rid of the competent Ash and made Pikachu lose to a Snivy!

I was the one who took out the Post-Games of Black & White and X & Y!

I was the one who designed the Gates to Infinity characters!

I was the one who removed all pre-Gen V Pokémon from Black and White!

I was the one who created the Over Powered Dragons and the even more Over Powered Fairy Type!

I was the one who convinced Cartoon Network to cut out a third of Kyurem vs. The Sword of Justice!

I was the one who said making a Mewtwo Girl would be a good idea!

I was the one who created the Plot Hole that sucked up Keldeo!

I even knew that Damos was innocent all along!

I'm a sick sadist who relishes abusing his power and playing God! PLEASE JUST MAKE IT STOP!

_(Finally, to Arceus' relief, that one passage that had been playing over and over again while he confessed/had a mental breakdown finally ended. Arceus let out a sigh of relief, while Mew, who had been hiding behind a wall and was holding a tape recorder, flew off giggling like a madmon.)_

* * *

><p><em>Ash looked behind him. His eyes widened to see may at the doorway with a smirk on her face looking back at him her hands were on her hips and she was tapping her foot on the soft carpet. Pikachu was on her shoulder smiling deviously at him.<em>

_"Umm h-hi may how did you get back so soon?" Ash said hiding the book behind his back. His face was burning by the second. May on the other hand looked amused at the boys behavior._

_"Me and pikachu came back, because I forgot my money in my room" she looked around and stared at him again the smirk never leaving her face. "Do you really think I would leave my diary at open view for someone to read?"_

_"Diary? W-what diary?"_

* * *

><p>Subtly? What Subtly?<p>

* * *

><p><em>"Cut the act ash I know you were reading it, I was actually hoping you would"<em>

_Ash caught red-handed he sighed. "Why?"_

_"It was a prank it seems you fell for it. I also learned that I'm the most prettiest girl you know!"_

* * *

><p>How was that a prank!? All you did was leave out a diary and beg for someone to open it. A prank actually has to be clever, and cause some form of misery.<p>

_(Arceus suddenly shuddered as he started to recall a memory.)_

* * *

><p>"Arcy!" Mew shouted as she flew into the hall, where Arceus was reading an old book. Arceus looked up from the worn out tome, to see Mew floating over to him. "I got your bath running, just how you specified."<p>

"Thank you, Mew." Arceus started, his face (or lack thereof) brightening. "This ought to help my tired muscles. To be honest, I still can't believe you had it in you to do something like this for me." Arceus then got up from his resting position and hovered out of the room, not noticing Mew giggling like a giddy child whilst holding up a bottle of pink dye.

* * *

><p>That was not even the tip of the iceberg.<p>

* * *

><p>Arceus was resting atop of Infinite Tower, gazing over the peaceful paradise that he had made. Mew on the other hand, was floating behind him erratically, bored out of her mind.<p>

_"Peace is soooo boring! Maybe I can shake things up a bit..."_

Mew then floated away from the tower, somehow avoiding Arceus' detection, and descended into Dragnor. Utilizing her Psychic powers, she cloaked herself from the presence of the humans around her, before she noticed the young warlord in the town square. A devious thought began to form in her head, and she used her powers to project the illusion of an elderly monk near him.

"My lord." Mew had the vision say. The warlord stopped and turned to face the believable façade.

"There is an old legend: A Pokémon of great power resides within that tower," she then had the illusion point to the gateless Infinite Tower. "And if you unite the region it will appear." To add credence to the fabrication, she dissipated the illusion right as a passerby walked in front of it, leaving a flabbergasted and fascinated warlord behind. Said man ran off to his castle, while Mew only laughed manically.

_"I can't wait to see the look on Arcy's face when he learns about the "legend". He'll probably go along with it just to save face."_

* * *

><p>And then there was the worst;<p>

* * *

><p>Arceus' sleep-deprived eyes darted neurotically from one wall, to another, then to the door.<p>

_"She can't prank me in here! Every year she pulls a prank on this accursed day, but not this year! Not even Mew would be stupid enough to enter my chambers and I'll stay up all night if I have to make sure of that!"_

* * *

><p>The horror...<p>

_(Arceus then shook his head.)_

Regardless, those were pranks. Leaving a book open for someone to read so you can confess your feelings in the most cliché manner possible is not one of them.

* * *

><p><em>Oh you heard that?" He asked blushing deep red.<em>

_"Mhmm...so umm is that true?" She asked blushing._

_Ash was surprised at her question "u-uhh umm...*sigh* yeah...may you are the most beautiful girl I've ever known and I've been keeping this secret from you for far to long fearing rejection. May?"_

_"Yeah ash?" She said with happiness in her voice._

_"I liked you ever since we first met I just never told you. Its okay if you don't feel the same"_

_"Ash the boy I was talking about in the diary...its you" she finally said to him._

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus rolled his eyes.) <em>

Come now, _Fox and Krystal's_ relationship is more believable than this. Heck; _Hideyoshi _is probably more genuine with his relationships than this.

* * *

><p><em>Ash looked at her in disbelief. "It was me?"<em>

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus rolled his eyes.)<em>

No, the King of Pokelantis... YES YOU! This and most of the following lines of dialogue are more irrelevant than a Rube Goldberg machine, so I'll just skip to the finishing cliché.

* * *

><p><em>"Ash? "<em>

_"Yeah may?"_

_"I love you"_

_"I love you to" He said and lifted her head making her star at him he then connected his lips with hers and sealed their relationship with a kiss._

* * *

><p>And with that, this horrific story is through. This is... ugh. It's worse than Three N Times Life, It's worse than Vegeta at Jubilife, It's worse than Too Much H2O, It's worse than The Secret<em> and <em>Genesect's wii u! I could have rewritten the entire story like this:

* * *

><p>Once upon a clichéd time, there was a boy named Ash and a girl named May. One day May told Ash she loved him, they kissed and lived happily ever after. Oh, and Pikachu was there too.<p>

* * *

><p>And it still would have been better since it actually uses punctuation and capitalization! In fact, if I eviscerated this story it still would be the same!<p>

_(Arceus let out a deep, near feral, growl.)_

And then there's this abomination:

* * *

><p><em>In large black letters said You just got trolled! Whoever read this look behind you!.<em>

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus exhaled in a stupefied manner, while his eye began to twitch uncontrollably again.)<em>

I- That is simply the most idiotic line I have ever read. I would be hard pressed to find something to top this. After reading this, I think I need a break from reviewing for a while, for the sake of my sanity, and yours. Farewell.

* * *

><p><span><strong>The End<strong>

_**Credits:**_

_Up_

_Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky_

_Gods and Mortals by ARCEUS-master_

_Nostalgia Critic - Food Fight_

_Pokémon __Conquest_

_Star Fox_

_Keldeo the Critic- Season One_

_Keldeo the Critic- Season Two_

_The Angry Bug Show_

* * *

><p><strong>Note from the Author:<strong>

Well, I'll be taking a short break from reviewing now. While I did want Arceus to make an early comeback for my two year anniversary of being here, I also do have other stories. But if I managed to churn out seven chapters in one month (a personal record), I should be able to come back relatively soon.

Anyways, this was originally supposed to be about six hundred words longer, with an entire skit at the end about how Arceus had a mental breakdown from reading this and nearly destroyed the fabric of reality, only to be saved by Mew, Palkia and Dialga, but I decided that would be going over the top too much. If you guys want to see it, I could post it as an extra sometime down the road.

As for Arceus' other breakdown scene, he didn't do all or any of that, I just think he was getting increasingly desperate. But while I was writing that, I realized something: Gen V stunk.

In the meantime till Arceus returns, if you want to read something else involving Arceus, I would highly recommend _Nine in the Afternoon _by Glory For Sleep and _Gods and Mortals _by ARCEUS-master. Those two have to be not only the best stories involving Arceus I have read, but some of the best on this site.


	8. The Dark Blessing

**Note from the Author:**

Ten days and I'm back already!? Oh well, I'm not complaining.

This review will be done in the style of an Honest Trailer, since I want my first real review of an actual story to be Hoenn Master96's _The Chronicles of the Aura Knights _(which will take a little while longer to finish), and because I think this is too great of an opportunity to pass up. If you saw the mock trailer parody back in my review of _Let It Pass, _then this should be pretty easy to understand since it follows the same structure. And don't worry, I made this with Ryu Taylor's 'blessing'...

_(The author immediately dives to avoid a barrage of tomatoes and their accompanying heckles.)_

* * *

><p>Mew flew into Arceus' study like her tail was on fire, and quickly looked over her shoulder before gazing at his computer.<p>

"I can't believe he shot down my suggestion to do a review of _The_ _Dark Blessing_! So what if Genesect's done it already..." Mew then glanced back up at the machine, and slowly flew over to it, the feline-like Legendary feeling a pit begin to form in her stomach.

_"Why am I so hesitant suddenly?"_ she thought to herself. _"I know I have a failsafe in case Arceus interrupts..."_

Mew then glanced down to the tape recorder that she held in her right paw, then back to the device as a horrifying conclusion came to mind. _"No... It can't be... Have I grown a conscience!?" _As quickly as the sensation came into her mind, it left even quicker.

"Nah. Let's get this review started!" She cheered, but not loudly enough to give away her location. Mew then developed a slight frown at another realization. "Still; I won't have much time, so I think I'll have to do this review in a... unorthodox way."

The Psychic Legendary then quickly turned on the computer and started looking through its functions.

"Since Mewtwo made this, I'm sure it can make movies. But I bet Arceus wouldn't know how to use it. Here it is!" she exclaimed in a sickeningly happy voice before going to work.

* * *

><p><em>(A rather deep voice began to speak as the screen went blank before changing to the rating card.)<em>

**The following trailer is rated "S", for satire.**

_(Following this, the screen went black before counting down in an old fashioned cinema style.)_

**From the author who became public enemy number one to Bronies everywhere, comes the first story in a Saga that put almost every other Pokémon Mystery Dungeon fanfiction on suicide alert:**

**"Pokémon Mystery Dungeon - The Dark Blessing" by Ryu Taylor the Ferret**

**Before you read the two sequels filled with music suggestions that quickly go out of style (seriously; there are hundreds of pieces of classical music. Just pick some of them, they still hold up after centuries), or the Q & A that delved into the inner workings of the saga; relive the thrilling adventure of the story that started it all.**

**Join Pugno and Pelame; two Pokémon who happen to be the most chosen species in the Mystery Dungeon franchise, and their battle against Unod: a villain who makes more comebacks than Revan.**

_"Is that it?" Celebi asked. "Is Unod FINALLY dead yet?"_

**Watch as Pugno and Pelame valiantly struggle against an enemy who kills off more characters than 24, but completely forget about the one item that can level the playing field.**

_The next day, while on a rescue mission at the Drenched Bluff, Pugno tried out the new Space Globe. It raised all of his stats to their maximum, and he could tell, especially after it caused his Aura Sphere attack to take out a chunk of a ceiling of Drenched Bluff courtesy of a Lileep that moved too quickly._

_"From the beach. I had Lapras take me to the foot of the bluff, and then I dove down and found the source of the fountain. Then I just placed the Space Globe in a spot where the flow won't move it in any direction."_

**Feel the shivers down your spine as you witness the "Dark Blessing"; a grab bag of superpowers that gets more ridiculous and overpowered as the story progress, which includes, but is not limited to:**

**Diabolical Acting: **

_"The power of the Demon Type is my reward for accepting the 'Dark Blessing,'" Crobat cackled. "Now nothing can stop me! Least of all, you little nothings! Wicked Ball!"_

_"What do mean 'would've been?'" Unod taunted. "YOU'RE ALL GONERS!"_

**Cremation:**

_Before anything could be said, Crobat's corpse suddenly caught fire, as did the corpses of the other dead Pokémon in the clearing. In seconds, the pitch-black flames reduced the bodies to nothing. Not even ashes remained._

_Loyal's body caught fire. In a few seconds, the pitch-black flames destroyed her body, not even leaving ashes behind._

_Cresselia's dead body caught fire and burned up instantly, not even leaving ashes behind. _

**Guilt Trips:**

_"It was her own fault for trusting you, Grovie,"_

_"He didn't though. You know that betrayal of trust is to be punished, so punish him now while you have the chance!"_

_"Oh, I know, Pugno," Unod said. "Yet, as hard as this may be to believe, you're the most heinous exploiter of trust in front of me right now."_

**Sound Effects from Looney Tunes:**

_With the sound of a laser and a gunshot going off simultaneously, the three Starly children died instantly._

**D****eus Ex Machinas:**

_No one else could utter a word. They were absolutely stunned that Unod was apparently still alive._

**And Lethargy:**

_Suddenly, the assailant unleashed a move that did something strange to the three remaining Teammates. After the world went dark for a split-second, the Teammates felt as though they had suffered every single status ailment simultaneously._

**Then there's Unod, the ultimate Pokémon Mystery Dungeon villain; someone so overpowered, she makes Brawl-Era Meta Knight look like a Magikarp. ****A creature so nihilistic, she goes on a homicidal rampage for the sake of it, but would rather play mind games with the main characters instead of killing them. **

**But rather than using her powers to kill the protagonists before they can defeat her, she just rips off Darkrai and tries to get Pelame to give up via dreams. And she spares Team Skull. And she lets Grovyle and the Guild Members live. And she lets that Meowth and Ditto live. And she gives her power to dozens of Pokémon instead of killing them.**

** For someone so hell-bent on erasing all life, she sure seems to let a lot of people live, even if they'll all just die in the end. But that doesn't matter, because she has a plan so needlessly complicated, it will leave you asking questions like:**

_(The scene suddenly changes to Mew, who is sitting down at a table, with a cup of coffee labeled 'Extra Caffeine' in hand.)_

What's stopping her? Since she puts Gen I Psychic Types to shame when it comes to being overpowered, what's keeping her from storming down to the beach and forcing Lapras to take her to the Hidden Land instead of just needlessly complicating things?

Why does she constantly infect Pokémon with the Dark Blessing? Since they're all going to die in the end, then why waste the time, resources and risk the chance of being stopped?

If she revives herself in a more powerful form when she dies, why not just let the army of Exploration Teams kill her and then take them all out when they're gathered in one spot?

If she thinks life is too trivial to be worth living, then why not just kill herself?

If the Dark Blessing can create Space-Time Vortexes, then why not just create one to the Hidden Land? That's presumably how Darkrai got there to sabotage Temporal Tower, and how Team Space-Time gets there as well.

Why not just kill Pelame when she had the chance? She made it perfectly clear she wouldn't accept the Dark Blessing, so why not just take out the biggest threat to your plans when you had the multiple chances to?

And what is her motive? If she wants to erase all life, then why does she focus most of her efforts on Pelame?

_(The scene then changes back to the trailer.)_

**See a climax so intense, it has not one, but _two_ unwarranted Deus Ex Machina's in it. And surprisingly, the Human-turned-Pokémon character _doesn't _pull off either. Huh...**

**Feel the angst as two legendaries and Unod die, only to be told that their deaths were completely pointless since they can all come back after some time has passed. Feel the joy as Pugno finally confess' his feelings to Pelame at the worst possible time, in the worst possible situation, in an attempt to gain sympathy from the most heartless being to have ever lived.**

_"Wow, Pugno," Celebi said. "That was beautiful." She turned to face Unod. "You heard that, right?! He loves her, and it's likely he'll be lost without her!"_

_"I see," Unod admitted. "Then I guess he'll just have to find another Eevee to develop a crush on! It won't be hard; there's hundreds of Eevee's in the world. At least one will sink low enough to return his affections!"_

**And witness an ending so rushed and lazy, that the author almost forgot that the good guys have to win, so he just threw in a Deus Ex Machina out of the blue, quickly wrapped up almost every loose end by destroying the entirety of the Hidden Land, and didn't even bother to try to explain how Dialga was revived, how Pelame could be impaled but walk away with only a few scars, or how time could function without the Temporal Tower. And groan in frustration as it is revealed that, true to almost every Mystery Dungeon story, our heroes can never actually live their lives because there might be a bigger threat out there.**

**So, whenever you have the time to read 35,000 something words, get ready to see one of the most action packed Pokémon Mystery Dungeon stories ever made, in all of it's interrupted dialogue glory.**

**Starring:**

**Fox and Krystal**

_"I wish I'd never met you, you little S.O.B!" Pelame shouted._

_"Same to you, you self-centered, trust-breaking hussy!" Pugno shot back._

_With nothing else to say, the two headed down the mountain in separate directions. From their sides, they both took off their Exploration Team badges and threw them at each other. _

**Kreia **

_"Because trust is nothing but a weapon," Unod said. _

**Foreshadowing**

_"Sis, you are going to regret this," the younger Sneasel said._

**Plot Fodder**

_"When I grow up, I want to be an Explorer!" said a young, but tall Sneasel. _

**Dan Green**

_"I will, Loyal," Grovyle said._

**Forward to the Past**

_"Well," Celebi said. "I guess we're staying here for a little while longer. It works out for me; I'm kinda starting to like it here."_

**The Atoner**

_"All is forgiven, Pelame," Dusknoir said. "I've never thought ill of you for your behavior. I think you were justified in being cautious of me. But it's good to see that you're ready to make amends. I wish to apologize, too, for all the wrong I've done to you and your friends. Though I'm late by more than two years in doing so."_

**Stay Puft**

_Guildmaster Wigglytuff said. "Everyone, we're moving out! YOOOOM-TAAAH!"_

**George Costanza**

_Chatot came running frantically around the guild in an absolute panic._

**Loudspeaker**

_"ALLOW me to escort her out!" Loudred shouted, advancing on Sneasel. He then picked her up and took her to the guild's front door. "Stay OUT and SHUT UP!"_

**(That guy should really listen to his own advice.)**

**Team Rocket**

_"Seconded," Skuntank said. "As soon as we give Unod what she deserves, we're going back to the status quo."_

**TIME IN YOUR FAAACE!**

_"YOU AREN'T GOING TO CLAIM MY TOWER!" Dialga declared. "YOU'RE NOT DOING MUCH TO CLAIM IT, ANYWAY!"_

**And the ones everyone forgets**

_"And don't forget us," said the Sableye._

**"Pokémon Mystery Dungeon - The Dark Night"**

**Out Already...**

* * *

><p>As Mew was congratulating herself on a job well done, she failed to notice Arceus floating into the room until his shadow completely engulfed her. She then turned around to see the equine-like Legendary staring down at her, his eyes narrowed in a display of an emotion Mew could not put her paw on.<p>

"What are you doing?"

"Staring at you." Arceus' eyes narrowed even more, this time in a display of barely controlled frustration.

"Move aside." Arceus ordered. He did not even give her the time to float away from the device as, with a simple toss of his head, she was blown away as if being a leaf in the wind. Examining the device and its content, his eyes widened in shock momentarily, before reverting back to their previous state in anger.

"I thought I made it explicitly clear I would not be reviewing _The Dark Blessing_!" Mew crossed her arms and pouted.

"But I made it. Besides Arcy, it's a parody, not a review." Arceus glared at her for her insolence before going back to the machine.

"Semantics. I already rip off Keldeo, the last thing I need is to be a rip off of Genesect. Now, I will be deleting this, and-"

"I guess I would have to play this tape recording to as many Legendaries as I possibly could." Mew interrupted, holding up said device with a false tone of remorse. Arceus looked lazily at her, before disregarding her and going back to his computer.

"You already blackmailed me in Season One, what could you possible have tha-" Mew then pressed the play button, and watched as Arceus' eyes grew wider with each statement in his 'confession'. However, rather than leave and say nothing as she expected him to, he immediately turned and charged at the now terrified pink legendary.

"Relinquish that recorder, NOW!" he bellowed as he dove head first for her at a speed so quick she barely had enough time to dive out of his way. Since it was clear that her plan had gone horribly wrong, Mew quickly teleported out of the room in a burst of light, right before Arceus could corner her.

* * *

><p>Mew reappeared in Spear Pillar below, right in the middle of Palkia and Dialga squabbling over the nature of the space-time fabric and a few other metaphysics that went over her head. Both were surprised to see her and immediately stopped their argument, and were taken aback again when Arceus appeared out of thin air too.<p>

"MEW!" the Legendary in question was so terrified, she squeezed the tape recorder hard enough that it flew out of her hand and into the air. Palkia, being the only other legendary with arms, caught it. Not knowing what else to do, he pressed the play button.

"NO!" both Mew and Arceus cried out, for their own reasons. But it was too late to stop it. To Arceus' surprise, and Mew's horror, due to the fact Mew had not re-winded it from the previous playback, what came out first was not a recording of his confession but the one line that drove him to it. Though his 'confession' started to play in the background, Arceus no longer cared and turned to face Mew. She flew backwards, all the color leaving her face as she saw an unholy rage in Arceus' eyes, one that threatened to do far worse things than just erase her existence.

"_You _were the one who tormented me?" Arceus said in a voice that can be best described as resonating with something worse than murderous intent. Mew did not dare to respond. But before Arceus could act, Dialgia's obnoxiously loud voice rang out.

"YOU KNEW THAT DAMOS WAS INNOCENT?" Arceus turned his head back for a split second to glance sideways at the Legendary of Time. Whether it was to chide him, order him to be silent, or just display frustration, Mew didn't care. She took the one chance she had to live and teleported away before Arceus could stop her. Arceus quickly pursued, leaving Palkia and Dialga more confused than they were before.

* * *

><p>After chasing Mew through four regions, and having to defeat an army of trainers who each wanted their chance to claim the most powerful Pokémon in existence as their own, Arceus had finally given up and decided to head back to the Hall. When he reentered the structure, the sudden stillness and absolute lack of life within it crashed into him with like one of those undefeatable walls.<p>

It had been centuries since Arceus had the Hall of Origin to himself, and he would enjoy every minute of the peace and quite he would get from it. And without Mew interrupting him, he could finally undertake the most ambitious project he had planned. Though part of the Legendary was worried about what sort of havoc the hyperactive furball would leave in her wake, be it direct or indirect, the Mew-weary side of him quickly muzzled any complaints. The first thing on his to-do list was to take a nap, one he knew would go uninterrupted.

* * *

><p><span><strong>The End<strong>

_**Special Thanks:**_

_Ryu Taylor the Ferret_

_**Credits:**_

_The Angry Bug Show_

_Honest Trailers_

_Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time/Darkness/Sky_

_Knights of the Old Republic_

_24_

_Looney Tunes_

_Super Smash Bros. Brawl_

_Star Fox_

_Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords_

_Back to the Future_

_TV Tropes_

_Ghostbusters_

_Seinfeld_

_Pokémon_

_Kid Icarus: Uprising_

_The Dark Knight_

* * *

><p><strong>Another Note from the Author:<strong>

Two A/N's in one chapter!? Oh well... Anyways, I had Mew do this 'review' simply because I could never see Arceus making so many pop culture references. As for my personal opinion on the _Dark Blessing_; it's similar to _Let It Pass_. It starts off really well and is a pretty good idea, but slowly degrades over time until it's just average, and if the author went back and changed around a few things it could be really good. (Though I do have to give it kudos for keeping most of the characters in character, and doing such a good job with portraying Grovyle I could literally find nothing wrong with him.)

Fortunately that's the great thing about Fanfiction; most of the author's here don't have a huge hubris and have the means to go back and polish up their writing if they ever feel like it (that unfortunately is the problem with Fanfiction; most of the authors are somewhat lazy or inconsistent and undedicated), which is exactly what Ryu Taylor will be doing. I imagine his rewrite will void a lot of my criticism.

As for the inevitable question of what will happen to Mew; you'll have to wait to find out. To be honest, the exact nature of hers and Arceus' relationship has managed to still elude me. While it is certainly far from platonic, and nowhere near romantic, it is something like a strange father-daughter/tormented-tormentor/roommate friendship that I can't really describe.


	9. Editorial 3

**Note from the Author:**

I do apologize for how late this got out, but a little, rather insignificant, factor know as Geometry exams kept me from getting this out for about a week and a half later than I wanted. That aside, since I've already strayed off the beaten path of the critic and ventured into parodying Honest Trailers, I might as well start taking pot shots at Watch Mojo (complete with the controversial decisions) and Monty Python, as usual. You can probably fill in the blanks from here.

* * *

><p>Greetings, I am Arceus. I am also very upset. How is it that when Mew reviews something, she gets more reviews than I do!? She's not even in the title! Would it kill all of you to take two minutes to type up some-<p>

* * *

><p><strong>An Apology from the Author:<strong>

The Author would like to issue an apology for Arceus' rant. He understands that many of the readers are strapped for time and can barely read this story as it is, but due to a mishap with his credits when transferring schools sometimes he forgets that-

* * *

><p><strong>Another Apology from the Author:<strong>

The Author would like to issue an apology for the previous apology, and the people responsible for it have been sacked. He understands that this story is not about reviews (well, technically it is, but not those kind) or his personal life. And now for something completely different;

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus is staring at the screen rather apprehensively.)<em>

I- I'm sorry about that, as you can probably tell everything is a bit of a mess with-

* * *

><p><strong>Once Again, Another Apology from the Author:<strong>

The Author would like to apologize for the excessive amount of apologies in this chapter. Furthermore-

_(A gunshot can be heard going off in the background, followed by a wheeze and a thud.)_

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus' eye is now twitching as he stares at the screen in irritation.)<em>

Well, with that out of the way, perhaps I can actually get to the point of this chapter. Today, I would like to talk about the people behind the stories; the authors. Specifically, I would like to talk about the ones who I consider to be the ten greatest amongst Pokémon Fanfiction and their magnum opus'. Now, I have done some extensive reading, and have based my choices on an author's influence, quality, creativity and originality.

Notice I did not include popularity amongst that list of criteria, because if I did chances are that we would be seeing authors like Fiery Fafar, MewLover54, and, heaven forbid I put the Adam Sandler of Fanfiction on this list; Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus (who is just as ancient as his name implies). That's not to say these author's aren't popular though.

Now, I know that not all of you will agree with my choices, and I doubt that I agree with all of them myself, so that is why I have included a honorable mentions section before number one. No, that's not copying any sort of format at all, how dare you accuse me of being a rip off!

_(The title and summary of the story promptly drops down behind Arceus on a giant banner, which he responds to by flinging it aside with his vaguely defined mental powers.)_

Now, and hopefully without any further ado, I present:

**Arceus the Critic**

**The Ten Greatest Authors of Pokemon Fanfiction**

* * *

><p>Do keep in mind that not all of these authors write only Pokémon, and what I put as their Magnum Opus' will be only out of their stories dealing with Pokémon. I will warn you that there will be spoilers in the following.<p>

**Number 10: Saphroneth**

You may be familiar with his one work in Pokémon. You may not. Either way, Saphroneth has shown an incredible ability to create a humorous synopsis out of something that should be serious, as well as maintain a solid plot and incredible character. I might as well as just move on to the Magnum Opus for reasons I shall divulge in my future utterances.

_Magnum Opus: Ashes of the Past_

_Summary: __Time travel, based on the Anime. So, the world ended. That's bad news. Who best to get to fix it? Well, there is this guy with a track record in world saving... Not entirely serious. T rating may be overdoing it._

There's not really any room to argue with me on my decision, primarily because this is his only Pokémon story. Regardless, you might be more familiar with this. I would actually be surprised if you had not heard of this story or seen it in passing, considering it is one of the most popular on this website. In essence, the synopsis is that Cyrus succeeds in his goal of recreating the world in his image. Well, I don't like that too much, so I decide to give the responsibility of going back in time to stop Cyrus to the most competent, skilled and driven person I can find. Unfortunately there's no one like that around, so I just chose Ash.

From that point on, Saphroneth has begun a complete rewrite of the anime that has been going on for three years (and is currently in Johto) that, despite being one of the most serious synopsis' on fanfiction, is actually very humorous and tongue-in-cheek. So while Ash is traveling around, restoring the memories of his old companions, avoiding many of the idiotic and unfortunate mistakes that befell him and finally training his Pokémon to the level of expertise they should be in the current anime, me, two of my sons, two clones of them I created later in the story and Sir Aaron are stuck in a pocket dimension with nothing to do but play board games and break the fourth wall. But eventually we run out of both, so I decide to create a 'Three Legged Legendary Pokémon Race'. But since that doesn't go so well, I just shoehorn Aaron into being a playable character in Capcom's ludicrous Samurai Warriors knock off and later Pokémon Conquest. It gets hammier:

Ash is capable of using Aura and a few Pokémon Moves and is later revealed to be a descendant of Sir Aaron, Charizard's Blast Burn is the equivalent of a nuclear explosion, Meowth becomes a Ninja and Jessie and James become somewhat competent executives that actually help Ash out every once in a while, Brock fights off an army of Unknown with a crowbar, Mega Evolution and the Fairy Type are revealed to have been a result of Ash's tampering with the timeline, it's also revealed that Lorelei is the author of all the Prima Strategy Guides, the Pokedexes become sentient, Hunter J comes in about two and a half regions early, the Squirtle are anime fanatics, Ash gets trained by a Lucario, Wobbufett is a tornado of puns, Mewtwo is still Mewtwo, James gets an Abra that is the Pokémon version Hanbei with fourth wall breaks, and Ash gets cast as Genghis Khan in a movie. Oh, spoilers, by the way.

Regardless, this story has well deserved its place as one of Fanfiction's most popular. With arguably one of the most ambitious synopsis' that also happens to be one of the more unique ones, as well as clever and hilarious humor (and more than a few inside jokes) interspersed with vivid action and intriguing character, this story alone was enough to earn Saphroneth his place among the greats.

**Number 9: Gerbilftw**

Now, despite a relatively short, two year tenure on Fanfiction (technically three years, but he didn't begin to write until 2010), Gerbilftw can be said to have been to have been one of the most influential authors on the fandom's perception of Ash, primarily being one of the first writers of the 'Dark/Betrayed Ash' persona. Or as I like to call it; Ashhole syndrome. Regardless of the rather bad reputation this angle has received in recent years, primarily because almost every starry-eyed hotshot author wants to try to recreate the popularity of _The Champion is Never Forgotten_ and _The Betrayed Champion_ for themselves, Gerbilftw can be said to have been the best at writing it, despite only using it in two of his stories.

He could be said to have been one of the most recognizable Advance shippers, and all of his Advanceshipping stories, despite all three being under twenty chapters, are some of the most popular on Fanfiction. What is even more amazing is that he managed to write (or upload) nearly three hundred thousand words over the course of a single year, completing three of his four stories in a matter of nine months before taking two years two finish his final writing. Ultimately he finished writing that and Fanfiction just two days after the two year anniversary of publishing his first story.

Most of his stories would usually include some form of Ash shipping, quite a bit of angst and development from that, more than a few flashbacks and a noticable share of minor grammatical errors (though this can be attributed to him being Swedish), that tended to develop a darker and somewhat more somber tone than what one would usually expect out of romance, though he did want to be original in his approaches. Ironically enough, because of that originality he became popular and that led to multiple writers absconding with some of his ideas, resulting in many of them becoming overused and poorly executed.

_Magnum Opus: The Aura is with the Forgotten_

_Summary: AU, during the medieval ages. Ash was born in a poor and simple town... But after several drastic events, his life's going to take a completely new direction as his past will get to him, the past of the Aura... Slight OOC possible pearlshipping Ash/Dawn_

Now, if you are familiar with his works, I imagine you're wondering why I didn't put _The Champion is Never Forgotten_ as his magnum opus. It's undeniably his most popular, and arguably the epitome of the Dark Ash persona stories; Ash suffered through a series of increasingly traumatic events (including losing the title of Champion because he went to see May only for her to break up with him and his mother dying) and slow cut himself off from the world and everyone else who hadn't already abandoned him, save his Pokémon, later became proficient at using Aura, and ultimately morphed into a bitter, pessimistic, violent, and still somewhat immature character.

Let me explain why I wouldn't consider it to be his best; Ashhole syndrome, when written well and under the right circumstances, can be a very powerful literary device. However, Gerbilftw writes it so well it becomes almost smothering. Granted he starts to lighten up near the end, it still is prominent to the point where it can overshadow quite a bit in the story. Rather I would say his best story is, ironically enough, the only one where romance is relatively unimportant. _The Aura is with the Forgotten _can be said to have been the Medieval-setting Pokémon story to have set the precedent for the others that followed. What really made this story stand out to me though were two things; the first being Ash. While there is a bit of a Dark Ash persona, it is not as prominent in his other stories, allowing for a bit more character development in Ash, not to mention displaying multiple flaws. He's headstrong, stubborn, somewhat dense, and a bit shortsighted. He mellows out a bit throughout the story, but still ends up killing Paul in the end and risking a war between two regions rather than settling things peacefully. That said, it is incredibly entertaining to see him fight a Gyrados. The second thing that stood out to me is the story's open ending. Nando is relating the entire story to his children, and when the obvious question of who Ash loved comes up, said character interrupts, leaving that question and his own fate after the story to the reader's imagination. Ultimately, the fact that this story was the first of it's kind, in addition to being open ended, can leave it as a questionable Magnum Opus.

**Number 8: Gweniveve Skyes**

Gweniveve Skyes can be said to be something of a Renaissance writer: a curious amalgamation of various genres including adventure, comedy, tragedy, poetry and romance, each of which is handled with aplomb. Though her focus seemed to have shifted away from Pokémon recently, she has still left a noticeable amount of Pokémon stories, though sadly most of her epics remain unfinished. Such diversity does bring a drawback though; and it is rather difficult to get one definite style from her writing due to being able to seemingly effortlessly stretch across multiple genres, but that also is telling about her capabilities.

_Magnum Opus: Children of the Skyking_

_Summary: The Tao Empire has invaded, conquering all in its wake in the name of the Tao Emperors, Reshiram and Zekrom. The Skyking, Rayquaza, has fled, leaving his people without hope. Amidst the chaos, a slave rises up to reclaim his father's estate, changing the world and everything they knew about it. . ._

This was a rather difficult decision, considering Skyes also has the _Aura Rising Trilogy _and _Pokémon Does Disney! _under her belt, but I settled on this due to it's originality and creativity. As compared to the _Aura Rising Trilogy_, which are some of the better done stories involving Ash becoming an Aura Wielder, the scale of _Children of the Skyking _is massive; being something of a political thriller, war story, spy novel and even a bit of a redemption tale all rolled into one. Now, one would think that covering so many angles in a single story would make it a bit difficult to bring out a measure of depth, but Skyes utilizes her ability to reach across multiple genres seamlessly for this story.

Hm... I thought that would be longer.

**Number 7: Matthais Unidostres**

I think we all knew he was getting on this list. But, then again, how could I not put him on here? He _i__s _the Weird Al of Pokémon Fanfiction, after all. A master of parody and analysis, he was essentially the progenitor of fusing Pokémon and various web shows together, not to mention being able to indirectly teach a large number of authors and readers how to look at something critically. Originally he started out writing mainly for Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's and My Little Pony, but stumbled upon something larger than he could have possibly imagined, at that time, when he published Keldeo the Critic.

Ironically enough, despite everything Keldeo became over the course of three years, he was originally met with indifference to outright disappointment. Another interesting fact that very few people know, is that Keldeo was not the original critic. Zorua actually came out a month before him, but we still have to give Keldeo credit for popularizing something so original and surreal that it has managed to spawn a number of rip-offs, primarily yours truly.

It really wasn't until DragonNiro and AuraWielder discovered the Critic that it really managed to kick off, and from that point on Matthais became relatively famous for his witty, not so subtle, and sometimes-subtle-to-the-point-of-going-right-over-your-head parodies and satires, that ranged from making fun of clichés, to perceptions, to pairings, and even to entire genres. And the rants, which were probably the most defining feature of his early career before his review of _Nine in the Afternoon_.

Ultimately; time passed, and Matthais set up a number of other parodies and critics, as well as managing to inspire a handful of other critics, and ultimately became respected and even revered, for his opinion, analysis' and ability to make the former two humorous. While he also wrote a number of stories dealing with Romance and Family, as well as few that were utterly bizarre, it was his parodies of Doug Walker and Rap Battles that caused him to develop a cult following. Though I doubt he'd approve of the term being used in reference to him.

_Magnum Opus: Keldeo the Critic- Season Two_

_Summary: He's Keldeo the Critic, and he's back to reviewing Pokemon Fanfiction when he's not training with the Swords of Justice. Oh don't worry, his movie is still coming, but that's FAR in the future. For now, Keldeo is going to take his time, reviewing a story or two a month while doing a few editorials, maybe. There will stiil NOT be any bashing or ranting._

_(Arceus sighed nostalgically, red eyes tilted upwards.)_

Ah, broken promises...

_(Arceus then cleared his throat and refocused his attention at the screen.)_

While many of you may argue that Season Three was the best, and I will concede it had the most luster and arguably the best review, it is a foregone conclusion in my mind as to what season was the zenith of Keldeo's career. The reason being that I do not believe Season Three was the best is not as simple as it sounds; it was the way he formatted the reviews. Strange, I'll admit, but I believe some explanations are due.

You see, back in Season One, Keldeo reviewed AuraWielder's first epic; _Breaking the Chains_, a story nearly fifty thousand words long, over the course of five chapters. In Season Three, he reviewed _A Guardians Princess_, a story nearly one hundred thousand words long, in only two chapters. Now, just think about the proportions for a second. The _Breaking the Chains_ review boils down to nearly covering about ten thousands words per chapter, whereas the _A Guardians Princess_ review averages nearly fifty thousand words per chapter. Now, given the fact that Season Three doesn't breach the Fifty Thousand Word mark, it's clear that his review had to cut out a lot of content to squeeze such a story into two chapters, whereas he was able to cover much more of _Breaking the Chains_ because of splitting it into fifths.

This was not the only reason why Season Two is, in my opinion, the best. It's actually notable that Keldeo did not review any truly massive stories during this period, and more consistently reviewed one-shots and shorter stories, allowing for more character development for the critic himself and a closer examination of the story due to its smaller scope. Had _Mew's Stupid Adventure _been excruciatingly large, chances were Keldeo would have never concluded it was purposefully trying to be stupid and derive a unique flavor from that, because he probably would have gotten fed up with it. Also, I feel that there was much more insight into the various other Pokémon-related topics, primarily the side games and the anime, than in the other Seasons that allowed for a better oversight of Pokémon in general. One could say Season Two was the most rounded and insightful, which means that it served its purpose the best. The brilliant comedy was a bonus that gave it character, and kept it from sounding like nothing more than another college lect- wait a minute...

_(The screen went to static for a moment before a very loud crash rang out. When the screen returned to normal, a ton of bricks can be seen strewn about the floor of Arceus' study, presumably what was left of a wall.)_

Please ignore the mess. Regardless, I believe it to be clear that Matthais has well earned his place on the list, primarily for his ability to create an entire sub-genre.

**Number 6: Traveling Trainer**

Traveling Trainer can be said to be the best writer of Pokémon Mystery Dungeon, utilizing vivid descriptions, brilliant characterization and, curiously, Unova Pokémon in almost all of his PMD stories. What makes him noticeable though, is the fact that he has never written a rehashed version of the main story. In fact, most of his Pokémon Mystery Dungeon stories are either one shots that alternate between romance, humor or angst (or all three), and he only has three real Pokémon Mystery Dungeon stories. But it's his originality and literary capabilities that make him stand out amongst the throngs of the other PMD writers.

_Magnum Opus: Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: To Live_

_Summary: Flung into a future where time flows freely, Grovyle, Celebi and Dusknoir find themselves in a lively land of ice and snow. Given a second chance to live, how will the trio readjust to a normal life in a new world after years of battling against the darkness? With new friends and foes around the corner, it may not be as simple as they think._

Please ignore the oxymoron in the first sentence of the summary. If any of you are familiar with this story, you'll know why it's on this list. This is probably the most original Pokémon Mystery Dungeon story on fanfiction. Most Pokémon Mystery Dungeon stories will either be a simple retelling of the main story or a continuation to the Post Game where the characters are forced to fight a Mary Stu-ish threat that's worse than Darkrai. Traveling Trainer not only goes against this cliché, but actually goes in the exact opposite direction in _Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: To Live_.

The story is what the name and summary implies it to be; Grovyle, Dusknoir and Celebi learning to become accustomed and enjoy their lives now that time flows freely. Now, I imagine that someone would believe it to be mundane and dull from a simple glace at the summary, but Traveling Trainer writes in such a manner that the usually mundane manages to become interesting, foreign and even entertaining and exciting. What's more is that it focus' on the trio from the future, character who played an important role, but are usually neglected in stories that don't directly deal with them or the main story of the game, allowing for an interesting delve into their psyche's, the occasional flashback to the way the future used to be, and their own perspectives at life itself. After everything those three had to endure, including defeating a mad legendary, being faced with the reality of erasure, being pursued by countless Pokémon on multiple occasions, and having been thrown into a world radically different from the one they had lived in their entire lives, it's enjoyable and a breath of fresh air to simply read about them adapting to their new lives and home (albeit still in something of a wasteland) and not be thrown into another grand adventure.

The sheer amount of creativity, and an ability to make the mundane exciting through excellent descriptions was more than enough to get Traveling Trainer his place on this list.

**Number 5: AuraWielder**

He wasn't put on this list for _Pokémon World Tour, _I can guarantee you that much. More so for his many epics; such as _Breaking the Chains, Slaves and Soldiers, _and _Conquering the Dark _all of which take a much darker look at the villainous Pokémon organizations and usually involve redemption and sacrifice of some kind, in addition to making use of quite a bit of suspense.

He originally started out on Fanfiction in the summer of 2011, and a mere two days in he already published what would be the first of his great success'; _Breaking the Chains._ Picking up on the massive Popularity of Lucario in the waning days of Generation IV, he established what would eventually become one of the most recognized Christian stories on this website (partly due to Keldeo), though it would not be until the fall of 2011 when his popularity would start to pick up, mainly due to a little explosion of insanity known only as _Pokémon World Tour_. From that point on, he gained momentum and managed to create a well maintained balancing act of character development, action and tragedy on one side, while using (primarily) crude humor to balance it out on the other. Add that to the fact he was one of the original Authors to completely disregard the language barrier in Human-Pokémon interactions, which allowed for a shocking amount of depth to many of the characters he created, and you have a recipe for stories good enough to be considered novels in their own right.

However, what truly cemented his place on this list was not his surprisingly philosophical epics (though they were the primary factor), but the influence he had on the perception of the Legendary Pokémon. _Pokémon World Tour_ is, by far, his most popular story, and is the second most popular story in all of its character categories (save the Arceus category, where it places fifth based on reviews), and thus would have a very large effect on how the fandom sees the Legendaries in terms of genders and personalities. Though I do find it ironic that an author who denounces stereotypes, via those long lists that can be seen on many profiles, inadvertently spreads them due to his writings.

* * *

><p><strong>Another Note from the Author (In the middle of the chapter!?):<strong>

It is important note that AuraWielder was influenced by Blazing Sceptile's portrayals, who in turn was influenced by SilverUmbra's, and just is the most popular in a line of succession. But because of the former two, a large portion of the fandom either views Arceus as female, or can easily envision him as being such.

* * *

><p><em>(Arceus is glaring at the screen, clearly less than pleased about being interrupted.)<em>

If I may continue.

You have AuraWielder to thank for popularizing me being portrayed as a woman, in addition to bringing to the forefront the hyperactive Mew persona, Darkrai being less psychopathic and more depressed and Palkia being Ash-level dense, not to mention half of the Legendaries' genders and all the Legendary Pokémon living at the Hall. Overall, whether or not you agree with his rather... _questionable _tastes, it is undeniable his place on this list is more than well deserved. A final consistency in his stories, though I am uncertain as to whether this is good or not, is the fact that it will _always_ get worse for the protagonists. This was even lampooned in _Pokémon World Tour_.

_Magnum Opus: Slaves and Soldiers_

_Summary: Entei. Suicune. I've lost them. You don't truly know what it means to have something until it's gone. Then you're captured by Team Rocket and forced to work for them against your will. And I've met quite a ragged band of Pokemon among them: A Typhlosion cyborg, a kindhearted Infernape, and a gadget genius Zekrom. The cards life hands you can change everything you know and love..._

This was probably one of the more difficult decisions I had to make in determining the best story, and I imagine it will probably be one of the more controversial. I know that quite a bit of people enjoy _Breaking the Chains, _and that _Conquering the Dark and Turnabout Legend _are shaping up to be his best, but as of right now, the story with that has the most polish would be _Slaves and Soldiers. _It doesn't suffer from the jump in quality that his first epic did, and I wouldn't say it to be as ambitious as _Conquering the Dark_ is either, but that would not necessarily detract from the story. The premise of the summary is essentially that Raikou gets captured by Team Rocket, as mentioned above, and has to survive working for them while plotting his escape with his other prisoners. Over the course of this story he ultimately gets turned into a cyborg, nearly gets killed by a crazy cult on multiple occasions, and has to survive every horror Giovanni is willing to throw at him. I won't say any more on the subject, but there's more than enough suspense, action and mechanical monstrosities to qualify this as AuraWielder's best work (so far), though I would say that it is the character development that truly gets it it's spot. After having to endure so much at the hands of Team Rocket, one sees Raikou slowly change from a prideful, headstrong and arrogant Legend into a humble and somewhat sympathetic Pokémon that is more glad to see his old trainer and family than anything else.

Ultimately, a consistent combination of good action scenes, excellent character development, a few moral lessons, plot twists, and a signature crude humor have earned AuraWielder his spot on the list.

**Number 4: SilverUmbra**

Ah, SilverUmbra... One of the most influential Authors who almost everyone forgot about. She could have been said to be the _Brawl in the Family _of Fanfiction; a wacky, silly, usually lighthearted but sometimes dark writer who influenced quite a bit of early perceptions about the Legendary Pokémon, particularly the Generation IV Legendaries, during a time when Pokémon Fanfiction was booming. To give you an idea as to how much of a pioneering author she was; she first joined in 2007, two months before Glory for Sleep did and wrote the first LunarEclipseshipping story and coined the term Midnightshipping before the former came about and supplanted it as the common term.

What is even more curious about SilverUmbra was that she herself never consistently stuck to one shipping, though there were a few consistencies in almost all of her stories. Namely; Darkrai and Cresselia were incredibly violently and constantly tried to kill each other in the most creative ways possible, with the former also being tactless, Registeel was female, insane, plotted world domination and only old reruns of _Lost_ could appease her, I was female, all the legendaries enjoyed television and many drank coffee, and Latias was Latias.

_The Meeting, _which was by far her most popular story, can be considered as something of a spiritual precursor to _Pokémon World Tour _sans the Generation V Legendaries, in addition to being a bit friendlier and funnier, and somehow both more crazy and tame at the same time. This... insanity... would be the most recurring theme through most of her stories, which would usually result in many comical situations and lines, though it was consistently well written to ensure it would not dissolve into nonsense. She rarely had any pretenses about trying to take herself seriously, which would allow for her to draw out the most of hilarious and ridiculous sides of the Legendaries, and most of her writing could simply be summed up in two words: Insanity Ensues.

Though her legacy has lasted and discreetly spread far further than most people know, most likely herself included seeing as she left in 2010, her popularity never grew to match it due to one simple, but massive slip up; only one of her stories have character categories. I have no idea why she never included them or went back to add them in, including well after the characters had been added or after she published her last story, but it proved to slowly choke her writings in an ever increasing sea of new stories which became increasingly difficult to navigate.

_Magnum Opus: Mine!_

_Summary: Due to Palkia's incompetence with his powers, Darkrai and Cresselia are sent to the Happy Dimension, where everyone is, well, happy. Now they've got to work together to get back home... but that's easier said than done..._

Now, if on the off chance that you do happen to be familiar with her works, I imagine you're wondering why I didn't choose _The Meeting _or _To the Rescue!_. Well, both are very crazy and very funny, and at the time were original, but it was the smaller scope of _Mine! _that influenced my decision. It's much less ambitious, allowing for a much closer examination of Darkrai, Cresselia and the living nightmare that is the Happy Dimension, their workings, their psyches, and their interactions. Granted, there's a few cut backs to their original dimension, they usually just involve the creation trio or Mewtwo and Deoxys.

Aside from the unusual amount of depth, most of the usual writing stands up, which results in quite a bit of humorous and strange situations, including Darkrai getting turned pink, Darkrai and Cresselia doing everything in their power to not kill each other, and Registeel trying to conquer the Happy Dimension via a bamboo helicopter and indestructible net. And this is what I consider to be _normal _in a SilverUmbra story. What is important to note is that, oddly enough, despite this being surreal it never feels bizarre. Perhaps the humor negates it. Perhaps there's enough character and logic to keep it grounded. Perhaps it's written well enough you don't care. Perhaps it's so crazy it becomes normal. Perhaps it's brevity keeps it from becoming ludicrous. Perhaps it is all the above.

Either way; SilverUmbra was an author who was able to influence the likes of Blazing Sceptile and Glory For Sleep, and thus indirectly much of the fandom regarding the Legendaries, in addition to mastering the ability to write good and humorous madness, but has sadly been forgotten to time.

**Number 3: Coli Chibi**

Coli Chibi... The author who speaks for himself. Arguably the most successful author at writing an Original Character, the _Tony's Journey _series situated around the titular character of Tony Miller is one of the most recognized and followed on this site. Following a quirky and socially awkward character as he journeys through Kanto and later Unova to become the greatest Bug Pokémon trainer, of all things, he ultimately finds himself in numerous situations, both as a result of his actions and dumb luck. Starting off Fanfiction in 2009, it would not be until late 2010 when he published _Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Prehistory_, which is one of the best Pokémon Mystery Dungeon stories out there, that people began to take notice of this prodigy. It would not be another two years until he made another story that eclipsed that one, but when _Pokémon Black and White: Tony's Journey _came out in late 2012, it was what thrust him into the limelight.

In his character of Tony Miller, Coli Chibi essentially created the most unique Original Character in Pokémon whilst simultaneously staying true to the original spirit of the games. Albeit a clumsy, socially inept hero who manages to save the day and aspires to become the master of the one type who everybody ignores, while trying to survive life, but one that is intriguing and entertaining to read about regardless.

Though the Chibi has been suffering from a case of writers block as of late, he himself is not hesitant to leave a review on a story and use his brilliant analytical eye to offer advice, or tear into it, as the only Editorial in Keldeo's third season will attest to. A down to earth, though humorous and witty, perspective, combined with a detailed view of the setting and characters has served to solidify Coli Chibi's place amongst the greats.

_Magnum Opus: Tony's Journey: Unova Grand Tour_

_Summary: Tony Miller, bug-catcher extraordinaire, is back on the road to becoming the world's greatest Bug Pokemon Master and Champion of Unova. However, with growing feelings for a certain Gym Leader, a deteriorating relationship with his beloved aunt, the revitalized Team Plasma, and the bloodthirsty Genesect on the loose, he's going to find it's a long, hard road to be the best!_

In my opinion _Unova Grand Tour _is the best in the _Tony's Journey _series. While there isn't that much radically different from the rest of the series; there's still a darker look at the villains, the humor is still excellent, the writing is still excellent, and the story is still noticeably different from Black and White while still combining and retaining multiple aspects from the games, and the quality is still high. What differentiates it the most is an Angry Bug who was revealed in the last chapter of _Black and White. _Taking a slightly darker and edgier stance than it's prequel when it comes to the villains, not to mention a psychotic manmade Legendary, it is arguably the most gripping of the series so far. While on a hiatus, I doubt Coli Chibi will be willing to let it end.

**Number 2: Glory For Sleep**

If there is one author you are guaranteed to hear about or see on Pokémon Fanfiction aside of Yoshizilla, it would be Glory For Sleep. And if by chance haven't, you have now. Where should I begin with an author as monumental as him? An author who has been writing for more than seven years, Glory For Sleep can be said to have had one of the largest impacts on Pokémon Fanfiction. One of the most notable authors of anything regarding Legendary Pokémon, he has the distinction of having most of his true stories ending up in the Top 5 of their respective character categories (based on reviews), many placing first and usually eclipsing Aura Wielder's stories, as well as turning Dracoshipping into pseudo-canon.

Though it took him nearly a year to begin writing, he immediately rocketed onto Fanfiction in January of 2008, posting six one-shots within a short succession of two weeks before putting up the first chapter of _Exile, _a story that would grow to become one of his most popular and influential, which he would later complete within the span of six months. 2008 would go on to be a very prolific year for him, with him posting nearly two-thirds of the stories he has now (33), many of which are curiously named after songs, within the year. _Exile _was joined by other masterpieces such as _Skyway Avenue, _a story about loss, comforting, more loss and romance, _Nine in the Afternoon, _a story so well written it managed to broaden Keldeo's horizons by three sizes that day, _Just Beyond Hate Street, _which is his most family oriented story. Literally. And they would later be joined by the _Cadence Of Their Fear _trilogy, which was unusually dark given Glory For Sleep's usual parameters.

It is important to note as well that Glory For Sleep also has the ability to write over numerous types of genres as well, though unlike Gweniveve Skyes, all of his stories have a very distinctive style, a rather odd and amusing third person omniscient that seems to delve into the narrator's thoughts as well as the characters. Like SilverUmbra, he himself was not one to stick to many pairings, though like said author there were many he prefers, and thus was capable of bringing out multiple dimension from the same character due to different interactions and reactions with other characters.

_Magnum Opus: Exile_

_Summary: Due to his arrogant behavior, Raikou is banned from the Legendary council and is forced to stay with Darkrai on Newmoon Island for his own protection. Of course, that's when the danger starts... Raikou/Suicune, Darkrai/Cresselia, and Mewtwo/Deoxys_

Despite everything Glory For Sleep has written, it quickly boiled down to a tie between _Exile _and _Skyway Avenue_. While both deal with loss and struggling, _Exile _was the more poignant of the two in my opinion; exploring themes of redemption and introspection while _Skyway Avenue _deals more with the more lighter theme of learning to carry on in life. Both have excellent character development that results from grievous loss, but Exile tends to be a bit heavier with it's themes of disownment. And despite the fact that the villain's name sounds like a character from Harry Potter, he is one of the few examples of a villain, event though he is clearly evil, is actually correct.

Raikou himself pointed that out himself in the last chapter, not only invoking his entire transformation throughout the story, but an examination of the failings of the Legendaries themselves and leading to a far more satisfying resolution than simply Riakou returning everything to the status quo that also allows for one final development and conclusion of the plot and overall theme. An excellent combination of action, romance, character development and a surprising amount of moral and philosophical lessons have led me to believe this to be Glory For Sleep's best story.

Ultimately being an author who's influence permeates many conceptions about the Legendaries, as well as having inspired countless authors to pick up or continue writing, Glory For Sleep has more than earned his place as one of the greatest Pokémon Fanfiction authors.

And now for something completely different:

**Honorable Mentions:**

**Quaystor**

Quaystor was another author of the Old Guard who has sadly faded away into obscurity. He could be said to have been the original author to focus on and experiment with non-Legendary Pokémon outside of a Pokémon Mystery Dungeon setting, particularly Pokémon from the Anime (though it is notable that Ash's Corphish has the same speech pattern from Pokémon Mystery Dungeon). Many of his stories usually revolved around FireGrassshipping, and would have frequent appearances by other members of Ash and May's Hoenn teams. If only for his originality and pioneering spirit in developing and exploring the characters and roles of non-Legendary Pokémon, Quaystor has cemented his place as an honorable mention.

**SDproductions**

SDproductions is the most recent author to get on this list, joining Fanfiction in October of 2013 and only two days in writing about what had swept the Pokémon Community by storm; X and Y. But when a fan decides to write a novelization of a game, and it turns out to have better character, dialogue, plot and humor (albeit AuraWielder-esque) than the basis, then that means that SDproductions is doing something right, and that Pokémon needs to reexamine how they are making their new games.

**Hope Estheim**

Whether or not you like it, it is an undeniable fact that Ferriswheelshipping is one of the most popular Pokémon shippings, and arguably the most popular non-Anime shipping, and _Eden _is the epitome of Ferriswheelshipping stories. Darker and Edgier with quite a bit of character development, it was arguably the story that popularized, if not outright started, the entire 'White/Hilda/Touko loses to N' plot. Even as much as I dislike it, there is a reason why it is has more than two thousand reviews.

**Hoenn Master96**

An author who tends to ground many of his stories in reality while still maintaining a careful balance between the real and Pokémon worlds, Hoenn Master96's serious, if not occasionally dour, tone has led to many stories that can focus more on serious aspects of Pokémon that are rarely touched upon with such finesse. In addition, I daresay he is one of the few authors to write about the Aura Guardians and not from a Medieval setting or include Ash, allowing for a bit of a more unique perspective to them, though that is not to say he hasn't written about them at all. His most popular story, the medieval based epic known as _The Chronicles of the Aura Knights_, is an energetic combination of Pokémon and... Total War?

_(Arceus then hovered a series of papers in front of his face, narrowing his eyes as he shuffled the documents before finding what he wanted.)_

I've seen stranger, to be honest.

**Texas Longhorn**

The quintessential Pokeshipper. There's nothing particularly innovative in his premises, save _A New Journey,_ though he certainly is ambitious and creative in his writing, it's rather the quality of his stories that landed him his spot on this list.

**EchidnaPower**

EchidnaPower can be said to have started the entire 'My retelling of the Pokémon Anime if Ash and X went to X region' plot with his immensely popular _AAML: Diamond and Pearl version. _Though putting Misty on the bus is considered to be one of the best things the anime has did by both me and Coli Chibi, EchidnaPower disagreed and has taken it upon himself to recreate the _entire_ Diamond and Pearl anime with Misty in it. Despite the fact that the entire premise and a bit of characterization suffers from a bit of a rose-tinted viewpoint, the retelling is good enough that, along with the fact that EchidnaPower effectively created an entire sub-genre, it landed him on the list.

**Queen Nepyhthys**

When you think of good Pokémon Conquest stories, chances are three authors come to mind; Haya-dono, TheViolaBuddy and Imperator Justinian.

_(Arceus then made a coughing sound that sounded suspiciously like 'Shameless Advertising', despite the fact he has no mouth.)_

However, there is another author who, despite being a bit less well know, is arguably the best and most original. Queen Nepyhthys, despite suffering from an acute inability to set a schedule on when to write, is the most creative and original in the Pokémon Conquest community, as well as the most indifferent when it comes to shippings (and considering that the Pokémon Conquest community is overrun by fangirls, that is certainly saying something). A combination of originality, creativity, brilliant humor, and being one of the few authors to go to great lengths to keep characters in character has cemented her place in the Honorable Mentions.

**TestSubject069**

One of the most prominent Advanceshippers, if only for the stature of _The Aura is With Me_. A rather gripping narrative that takes place in the waning days of the Sinnoh Anime, it is probably the best story dealing with Ash becoming an Aura Guardian, in addition with absurdly long (though not long enough to the point of Ri2's redundancy) and energetic battle scenes, combined with a Galatic at it's prime and a bit of metaphysical nonsense was enough for a place on this list.

**ThatOneDwarf**

Now, given that many of you have read Keldeo's review of _A Guardians Princess, _I imagine you're a bit outraged or confused at his inclusion. Well, had Keldeo looked at the story through a bit of a darker, grittier and more realistic frame of mind to suit the story rather than trying to push the story into the outlook he wanted, chances are that his review would have been radically different.

Now, ThatOneDwarf has shown an incredible amount of flexibility when it comes to genres, shippings and settings, being able to stretch across a large amount and still write well. That combined with an astounding ability to write excellent action that can only be rivaled by Hoenn Master's, and that would be sufficient for a place on this list.

**Number 1: ARCEUS-master**

Though Coli Chibi and Glory For Sleep's positions are interchangeable, there can be only one master of Pokémon Fanfiction, and that would be ARCEUS-master. While I imagine that some of you would disagree, it would be like comparing Mozart or Beethoven to Bach.

* * *

><p><strong>Yet Another Note from the Author (Seriously!?):<strong>

For those of you not familiar with Classical Music, let me put it in more modern terms for you; it would be like comparing The Police or Boston to Rush. All are incredibly talented, though ARCEUS-master edges them out by a bit in terms of quality, artistry and creativity. Monte Carlo: A hundred miles south of Turin, A hundred miles east of Pisa, Five hundred miles west of Bilbao.

* * *

><p>Go Away! No, not you, the author's notes.<p>

Now, ARCEUS-master is in my opinion the greatest author of Pokémon Fanfiction. With a cache of unique ideas, brilliant executions, near-impeccable grammar, an excellent sense of humor and massive knowledge of the subject he is writing about, not to mention having the (in)famous Ri2 as a beta-reader, ARCEUS-master's stories are of the highest quality and caliber. I also have him to thank for the nickname that Mew has given me, but considering the sheer stature of his stories I won't complain.

The _A New Chance _series, which really only consists of two stories, are arguably the best stories dealing with Ash teaming up with a legendary Pokémon, or an adaptation of the anime in general, which includes many things that should have happened in the anime, though it is noticeably (but not necessarily suffocating) edgier and funnier.

_Magnum Opus: Gods and Mortals_

_Summary: Being a god is hard and tiring, and Arceus knows that better than anyone, so he has finally decided to take some vacations. His temporary replacement? ... Well, ever wonder what Ash would do if he was god?_

Good Lord, we're all going to die.

Joking aside, I imagine that, if you are familiar with his works, why I would pick this one over _A New Chance at Life _or _A New Chance For Adventure_? Well, I'm not going to say it has more quality than the others, because they are all relatively equal. What I will say is; how many stories are out there dealing with Ash traveling with a Legendary Pokémon or becoming some sort of Champion or Knight for a Legend? It is the sheer originality of this story that has led me to view it as his Magnum Opus, in addition to what I consider to be the greatest moment in Fanfiction history in the latter half of chapter two. What it is, I won't say, simply because I cannot do it justice.

The originality, creativity and sheer quality was enough for me to choose this story, in addition for it retaining more of the light-hearted spirit of the Anime and being reasonably paced given everything ARCEUS-master plans on doing with it, and the story was powerful enough that his fanbase actually adapted a nickname in it to use for the author himself. Sadly it is seldom updated given his focus on the _A New Chance _series, but even unfinished and neglected it is still one of the best and most enjoyable stories out there.

And with that, this massive editorial is brought to a conclusion. And remember; If you enjoyed reading this chapter half as much as I enjoyed writing it, then I enjoyed writing it twice as much as you enjoyed reading it.

* * *

><p><strong>Good Lord, I imagine you're sick of seeing the Another Note from the Author by now:<strong>

Well, this turned out to be the longest chapter I have written, and I'm relieved to be done with it. The person who can tell me every Monty Python reference I made over the course of it (and there were a lot) will get to choose a One-shot for me to review.

Speaking of reviewing, there were a few stories that Keldeo was going to review, but since he happened to get sucked up by a plot hole I think I'll be taking up a few of them.

Also, given how long this chapter is I won't blame you if you don't get this joke; but it looks like Arceus finally triumphed over his nemesis.


	10. The Misadventures of Burmy and Combee

As Arceus had finished uploading the previous chapter, his eyes suddenly narrowed as he noticed something flashing on his computer. Before he could do anything about it, the video maker opened up, and a rather deep voice rang out from the speakers.

* * *

><p><strong>The following trailer is rated "F-UPS", for Follow-up to a Parody of a Satire.<strong>

_(The screen began to count down in an old fashioned cinema style.)_

Wh-what on earth is happening!?

**From the author who's opinions you love, but update schedule you hate, comes a story so crazy it just might work:**

**"The Misadventures of Burmy and Combee" by Mr. Grool**

Mew! What have you done to my computer!? How do I stop this?

**Read through the story that was originally a satire on how people neglect weak Pokémon, but became so mean spirited to the protagonists the author devoted an entire chapter to lampooning it.**

_"I've been kicked out of my hive, we've beaten countless times trying to find a new job, we're starving, filthy and exhausted, and we're spending the night on a park bench! How can it get worse?"_

**(Just ask AuraWielder.)**

**Feel free to take a harmless, guilt free laugh at the expense of Burmy and Combee as they get set on fire;**

_"Burm! Burmy!" the burmy yelled as his leaf cloak was set on fire._

**Run over;**

_He was cut off when a four wheeler came out of nowhere, running Combee and Burmy over._

**Mauled repeatedly by two vicious serpentine-like Pokémon;**

_"Hydro Pump!" Gyrados roared._

_"Flash Cannon!" Steelix yelled._

**And endure ridiculously bad luck;**

_"Are you absolutely sure that trapeze is sturdy?" Combee asked the purple monkey._

_"Of course I'm sure!" Ambipom laughed. "That trapeze has held me up for years, and I'm, like, ten times his size! Why would it break now?"_

_Suddenly, the trapeze Burmy was sitting on suddenly snapped, causing Burmy to fall right into the net._

_Unfortunately, Burmy was small enough to fall through a hole in the net, making it so he fell twenty feet onto the cold, hard ground._

**And continue to laugh at their misfortune even as you start to feel guilty for knocking out so many Burmies and Combees to train your Pokémon back in Gen IV.**

Maybe this button turns it off...

_(A slight click could be heard in the background, but all that seemed to accomplish was playing a montage of Burmy and Combee getting injured in various ways. More clicking followed, but that only sped up the video and added the Looney Tunes theme to it.)_

**And in a series based entirely off misery, get ready to see it go to new heights as the protagonists finally find their purpose in life... as footstools;**

_"I hate my life." Combee wheezed as he struggled to hold up the entire pyramid with Burmy. The Kricketots seemed to be taking their time creating the pyramid, though it seemed that might've not been a coincidence. As each one jumped to their position, they used Burmy and Combee's face as a launching pad._

_"Hey, at least we have a job." Burmy retorted, though he was struggling just as much as his friend. "Maybe we've found our place in the world this time."_

_"As footstools?" Combee grunted, glaring at Burmy._

**So, whenever you feel like skimming over five thousand words and lots of fourth wall breaks, get ready to groan in frustration as Burmy continues to destroy any hope Combee has of being successful in life.**

**Starring: **

**Mac and Bloo**

_"More power!" Burmy yelled._

_Combee, however, was reluctant to do so. "It's getting pretty big Burmy." Combee said warily._

_"Don't worry about it!" Burmy shouted over the wind the tornado was making. "Just give it more power!"_

_Suddenly, the tornado ripped the curtain off of the stage, and began to suck the papers off the judge's desk!_

**And everyone else irrelevant to the nonexistent greater plot**

**The Marvelous Misadventures of Burmy and Combee**

**Finished whenever Mr. Grool has the time...**

* * *

><p><span><strong>The End<strong>

_**Special Thanks:**_

_Mr. Grool_

**_Credits:_**

_Honest Trailers_

_Looney Tunes_

_Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends_

_The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack_

* * *

><p><strong>Note From the Author:<strong>

And the shortest chapter I've made to date! Well, since it's on the heels of the longest chapter I've made to date, I'm not to upset about it, though I still apologize for it's brevity, and possibly it not being as funny. There just wasn't that much material to work with.

Anyways, this chapter goes to you, Mr. Grool. I'm sorry this early Christmas gift was so short, but it was also the last faux Honest Trailer I'll be doing for some time, so I hope that counts for something. That aside, thanks for being such a good friend to me over the years, and enduring so many of my long-winded conversations. Including this one. Oh well, I still have to get out one more chapter to all of you in celebration of Christmas, and yes, it will have the real star of the show in it.


	11. Comedic (?) Scene 1

Many weeks had passed since Mew had fled, and Arceus suspected he was slowly going mad.

Yes, bonkers.

Looney.

Insane.

Perhaps even psychotic.

Whatever adjective you deemed worthy, yes; mentally unstable.

At first he though little of it, being to enraptured in the bliss of having the solitude denied to him for centuries, but slowly the feeling started to creep up on him. At first it was nothing more than looking over his tail every once in a while, believing he had heard Mew playing one of her games. Then it progressed to him talking to himself, but he merely played it off as him simply not being used to having no one around.

But then after he started screaming at the walls to stop whatever devious schemes they were carrying out, he realized that there was a problem. It was only reinforced by the fact that, judging from the pink shards of broken glass before him, he had painted a vase in a crude rendition of Mew, levitated it, and started chasing it around his home while shouting for it to halt. Fixated at the mess he had apparently created, Arceus was too mortified at what was happening to him to detect a presence approaching. He turned around when he heard the doors opening to see Palkia standing in the doorway, a white arm outstretched to keep the door open.

"Son!" Arceus exclaimed gleefully, galloping up to Palkia. Said Legendary of Space was so startled by Arceus' behavior he lurched back and was promptly hit in the face by the heavy bronze door.

"Ugh..." he grunted as Arceus mentally lifted him back to his massive feet.

"It's so good to see you again! It's feels like ages since your last visit." Arceus said, nuzzling his head on top of Palkia's.

"Dad, you're scaring me."

"Oh nonsense, can't I enjoy a moment with my son?"

"No. You haven't given me a hug since I trapped Dialga in the Super Smash Bros. dimension seven years ago." Palkia then took a step back, breaking free from his 'Father's' embrace, and raised a claw to Arceus' grey forehead.

"You don't feel warm, but you're certainly not acting right..." he mused to Arceus' confusion. "You wouldn't happen to be Ash masquerading as Arceus, would you?"

That idiotic statement seemed to ignite Arceus' temper once more. "Of course I'm not! How could you even propose something so preposterous, let alone doubt my authenticity!?" The equine being nearly shouted out in a barely controlled fit of rage. Palkia seemed to be satisfied with his response, despite having to hold his head in a futile attempt to block out Arceus' powerful voice that seemed to transcend even telepathy.

"Dad? Who are you talking to?" Arceus' head snapped to the side as he saw Palkia standing on the glass platform outside the door, looking at him like he had grown a second head. Arceus quickly returned the look before going back to the other Palkia to see that he was no longer there. While Palkia looked on the scene with confusion and mild concern, Arceus slowly came to a mortifying realization in the back of his head.

He needed Mew.

Without warning, Arceus disappeared in a blinding burst of brilliant gold light, forcing the real Palkia to cover his eyes to keep from being blinded.

* * *

><p>Mew was frolicking about a field of daisies, happily munching on a chocolate bar and humming a merrily little tune to herself without a care in the world. In the background, the city she got said chocolate bar from was ablaze and tearing itself apart in a frantic search, having dissolved into pure anarchy and chaos at the mere sight of her. She then floated down to the sea of flowers beneath her and rested in them, stubby arms behind her circular head, and began watching the clouds pass by. Her view was suddenly blocked by Arceus appearing out of nowhere, towering above her resting form and gazing down at her. Mew cringed, but realized she was trapped and closed her eyes so she wouldn't be forced to look death in the face.<p>

When she opened her eyes again, fully expecting something radically different from where she had just been, she was met with an amused look from Arceus, who was resting in the meadow across from her. Not knowing what else to do, she pushed herself off the ground a bit into a sitting position and waited for him to say something. After some undetermined amount of time had passed, one that had been completely dominated by silence save the occasional gust of wind, Mew came to the conclusion he had the same idea and decided to break the ice with the most obvious thing she could think of.

"So... you're _not _going to kill me?" Arceus shook his head.

"No, Mew. I-" Arceus swallowed his pride and bit back some nausea as he prepared himself. "I would like you to come back to the Hall."

"Really?" Mew asked excitedly, beginning to rock back and forth on her feet like a giddy child. "Does that mean-"

"No!" Arceus snapped, but quickly reversed his position with a sigh. "Perhaps... Perhaps I might have come to... appreciate you in recent days."

Arceus' face turned a shade of green after saying that, but Mew took no notice. "Aw... This is great Arcy! We can be best friends and play games and go to carnivals and-"

"No! NO!" Arceus quickly screamed out in fear, but quickly berated himself internally at seeing Mew's quivering lip and silently apologized. "I... I guess I could make some time to play with you. But we can talk more about this back at the Hall." Arceus' eyes shimmered for a moment before he and Mew were consumed by another wave of golden light, both vanishing without a trace. Unless if you count the giant burning city in the background, news reel of Mew buying a candy bar, and said wrapper carelessly discarded in the meadow, complete with one of her hairs stuck to the plastic via chocolate.

* * *

><p>A few weeks had passed since Mew returned to the Hall, and things had returned to their semi-chaotic normal. Though Arceus still disliked her antics, he reminded himself it was far better than the alternative, and ultimately made his peace with them.<p>

So, on one rather bland morning, Arceus awoke and immediately realized it was Christmas. He immediately looked around his room, half expecting Mew to be hiding somewhere so she could pounce on him and announce the obvious like an excited child, but was surprised when she was nowhere to be found. He excited his chambers and floated into the main hall where she would usually be in the mornings, but there was still no sign of her.

Just as he was about to go search the rest of the Hall for her, the doors to the room suddenly opened. Mew sauntered in, eyes half open and clutching a small package concealed in the cliché colors of green and red. She proceeded to float up to him tiredly, placing the small package at the base of his golden hooves like a peace offering.

"Merry Christmas, Arcy..." she managed to say while yawning. Arceus smiled inwardly, floating up the parcel to his eye length and used his obscure mental powers to remove the wrapping from the gift to see what it was.

**-o- 24/7 -o-**

**Seasons 1 - 8**

Arceus rolled his eyes at the gift.

"Mew, you just ripped of _Nine in the Afternoon._"

"Hey, I spent all night looking for the change to buy that for you! Besides, it's the thought that counts." she said indignantly while crossing her arms.

"But it wasn't your ide-"

"Well, that wasn't the only thing I got you." Arceus stopped mid-sentence, partially afraid of what else she had got him. Mew proceeded to pull out the Lustrous Orb, Adamant Orb and Griseous Orb from virtually nowhere, and immediately flew across the room, dropping each one a distance from the others. Arceus could hear the voice in the back of his head yelling at him to stop her, but for reasons he could only identify as plot convenience, he permitted her to continue. After creating a triangle with them, she floated back to Arceus' side and immediately exerted her psychic powers. The orbs seemed to respond to them, as three portals were generated by them, and trio of dragon types promptly tumbled out of their respective ones before they closed. Arceus stood horrified at the scene, while Mew floated up to his face.

"Merry Christmas, Arcy!" she shouted, this time far more energetically, once more. Unfortunately for Arceus, she happened to be close to his face, and the equine being stumbled back at the sudden noise. "I know you haven't had a Christmas with your sons in a while, so I figured that maybe you've missed being with them."

Arceus smiled at that, his hard gaze softening as he looked at Mew, genuinely touched by her gesture. He was shocked out of his short state of elation when he noticed the Creation Trio beginning to shake out of their stupor.

"Thank you Mew. While this means much to me, you really shouldn't have done that."

"Why?" It was a simple, innocent question, which unfortunately held a very ugly answer. Arceus couldn't muster the heart to tell her, so the white Pokémon simply used his powers to spin Mew around so she could take a look at the unfolding disaster. The creation trio had risen back into a standing position, and the moment they noticed each other, they immediately dropped into a battle stance.

"YOU!" all three shouted at once, believing the other to be responsible for dragging them out of their dimensions. Though Arceus knew it would be futile, he still made an attempt to calm his sons down as he galloped down to them.

"Cease!" he commanded. His order seemed to succeeding in keeping them from unleashing their signature moves on each other, if only for the moment. "I was the one who summoned the three of you here." Arceus said, while Mew grew wide eyed in the background. That managed to draw the trio's attention away from each other, each eyeing their father with a different emotion.

"It has been a very long time since we have been able to gather as a family. While I know that you three would very much like to maim each other currently, could I ask all of you to put aside your petty squabbles for one day, for this one Christmas, and enjoy it with me?" the trio seemed to genuinely consider his plea, much to Arceus' surprise, and exchanged glances amongst themselves. Palkia let out a sigh and turned to Dialga, who only nodded in return. Giratina opened his mouth.

"No." he said right before releasing an Aura Sphere at Dialga, followed in lightning quick succession with a Dragon Pulse aimed at Palkia. Arceus' eyes flashed for a brief moment, and the gargantuan Ghost Type was slammed against the nearby wall by the sheer force of his will before the attacks were redirected back at him. Arceus slowly turned around to face the near-unconscious Giratina, while the Time-Space duo slowly backed away from the display of unbridled power.

"I will not have you misbehaving today. Understand?" Giratina let out a weak nod, which seemed to satisfy Arceus.

"Wonderful!" he said in a nauseatingly upbeat tone even by Mew's standards, clearly happy with how things had turned out, and hovered away from the carnage as if it was as common as the pillars that adorned the room. "Well, I suppose I should go cook something for the four of you."

Arceus then disappeared around a corner, and the four legendaries all looked to each other nervously at hearing that the Alpha Pokémon would be making a meal for them. Dialga nudged Palkia on the shoulder, urging him to go after their father. The Legendary of Space started mumbling under his breath, but quickly got over his dissatisfaction with being chosen as the scapegoat and ran after Arceus.

"Dad, why don't we just go to Waffle House? My treat!" The other two members of the Creation soon followed suit, attempting to dissuade Arceus from the real reason why they never celebrated Christmas with him. Having been left alone in the main hall, Mew turned around.

"I think I'll just cut off the skit here. If it dragged on any longer, we might as well add in a review and call it a day." she mused before developing a big grin. "Anyway, from me, Arceus and the fourth wall; have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year!" Mew then smiled and waved as an explosion went off from the direction of the kitchen, with Arceus and the Creation Trio emerging from it seconds later. All four were covered in ash, condiments and food, and were headed for the door. Mew gave one last wave before floating off to join the four.

* * *

><p><strong>Note from the Author:<strong>

And done. Personally, I'm a bit upset at myself for being unable to finish this when I wanted to. Originally it was supposed to be just between Mew and Arceus, but the ideas kept flowing and I couldn't stop writing. That said, credit goes to Glory For Sleep being as I spoofed some of his ideas and writing style in this chapter.

Anyways, my last update for the year! I probably won't be back until February, since I want to devote January to a few oneshots and a massive revision, but I hope this was enjoyable for all of you.

Merry Christmas!


End file.
